Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-11-10

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Undeniably, providing personal information to an employer,in recent decades, has sparked a debate in society. There are contrasting perspectives on whether personal information of an employee is meaningful for an employer or it should be avoided during hiring an individual as it is an unnessary part of hiring. In this essay, I shall elucidate both points of view in subsequent paragraphs with my support for the former point of view.

The potential benefit of collecting private information is to get the better understanding of a candidates availbility. Precisely, it helps in identifying the flexibility and capability of a person at his workplace. For instance, an unmarried person can be adjusted to other locations and can even be asked to work overnight by offering more wages, whereas for a family man it is really hard to do these types of adjustments. Apart from this, hobbies and interests make it easy for an employer to arrange a few activities once in a while in a month to create a positive environment at the workplace, which would directly impact productivity at work.

Whereas on the other hand, few people believe that personal data leads to disclosure of a privacy at the workplace .As every person plays two different role in their life one at work and the other at home.So they should not be mixed with each other.Not only this, they consider it an interference in their personal life,as no one ever knows what an individual is going through in his life. Thus ,it directly impact the mental health of an employee .

In conclusion, although gathering private information can have a negative impact on a few workers, at the same time the benefits of collecting it cannot be

overlooked.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address both views and state a position in the introduction, saying you support the view that personal information can be useful. The examples about an unmarried applicant’s availability and using hobbies to plan workplace activities are relevant, and you also explain the opposing concern about privacy and mental health. However, the discussion is uneven: the benefits receive more explanation, while the privacy argument is asserted rather than illustrated or explored. The conclusion also says the benefits cannot be overlooked but does not clearly restate your own position on whether employers should request this information. Develop both sides more evenly and clarify that such questions are useful only when relevant to the role, for example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion. The progression from usefulness to privacy concerns is easy to follow, and linking expressions such as “For instance,” “Apart from this,” and “In conclusion” help guide the reader. This already gives the essay a coherent arrangement. Some connections, however, feel mechanical or unclear: “Whereas on the other hand” combines two contrasting signals, and “Not only this” does not lead into a matching construction. The final paragraph is also very brief and does not fully connect the discussion back to your stated position. Use simpler, more precise transitions and make the conclusion synthesise both arguments.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the topic, including “flexibility,” “productivity,” “disclosure,” and “interference,” and you attempt more formal expressions such as “elucidate both points of view.” These choices make the subject clear, though some wording is inaccurate or unnatural: “a candidates availability,” “adjusted to other locations,” and “a positive environment at the workplace” do not express the ideas as naturally as they could. There are also spelling errors, including “unnessary” and “availbility.” These do not prevent understanding, but they reduce precision. Aim for accurate collocations and check spelling; for example, use “assess a candidate’s availability” and “relocate to another location” where appropriate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mix of simple and complex structures, including a relative clause in “activities … which would directly impact productivity” and a contrastive sentence beginning “although.” The main ideas remain understandable, but some grammatical errors recur. Examples include “an employer,in recent decades” (missing spacing and awkward punctuation), “a candidates” (possessive form), “one at work and the other at home” (agreement with “role”), and “it directly impact” (subject–verb agreement). Several sentence boundaries also need clearer punctuation, as in “at the workplace .As every person…” and “at home.So they…”. Review articles, possessives, agreement, and sentence punctuation, then proofread each sentence for a complete and correctly joined structure.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.