Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-11-11

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

One of the most controversial issues today relates to this given topic that employers sometimes ask people personal information and some people say this information may be relevent and others disagree. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view.

On one side of the argument there are people who argue that the benefits of considerably outweigh its disadvantage. The main reason for believing this is that emloyers can identify easily through personal informations like hobbies, interest instead of qualification. They can examine soft skills which are not mention in curriculum vitea. Furthermore, after interview and selection they can provide proper department according to thier interest. One excellent illustration is that information give employers straight road map in selection criteria with thier experience.

On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that employers should focus on their prior experience instead of thier personal goals or information. Employees have entire right whether they want to articulate or not personal information. Moreover, every person has their own hobbies according to thier school of thought.

In Conclusion, I would like to assert that as we have seen, there are no easy answers to this question. On balance, however, I tend to beleive that employers should ask personal information from employees due to fact that identificatiion, interest and examine selection criteria.

A particularly good example is that I joined industry last year, where Manager ask me hobbies and interest to gain more knowledge about me apart from prior expereince and my basic qualification.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You address both views and state a position in the conclusion: you support employers asking for personal information. The example from your own experience—your manager asking about your hobbies—also relates to the topic. However, the discussion is only partly developed. The case for asking is mainly that employers can identify soft skills and place people in suitable departments, but the explanation is unclear and does not show how hobbies or marital status reliably help selection. The opposing view is brief and focuses on employees’ right to withhold information, without explaining why such details may be irrelevant or unfair. Develop each side with a clear reason and a specific example, and make your position more consistent and precise throughout.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for the two views, and a conclusion. Phrases such as “On one side” and “On the other hand” help signal the change in viewpoint. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes difficult to follow: the point about identifying candidates “instead of qualification” does not connect clearly to the later claim about assigning departments. The conclusion also repeats the general issue rather than drawing together the reasons, and the personal example appears after it, disrupting the ending. Some linking phrases feel formulaic, while references such as “this information” and “they” are not always precise. Group the example with the supporting argument and use clearer links between each claim and its explanation.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “soft skills,” “prior experience,” “qualification,” and “selection criteria,” which helps communicate the general subject. However, the range is limited and several noticeable spelling, word-form, and collocation errors make parts difficult to interpret. Examples include “personal informations,” “straight road map,” and “identificatiion, interest and examine selection criteria.” Some phrases appear ambitious but are not used naturally, such as “school of thought” to describe people’s hobbies. Improve accuracy by choosing simpler, precise expressions when unsure, and check spelling and whether nouns are countable. More natural combinations such as “assess candidates’ interpersonal skills” and “match employees to suitable roles” would make your ideas clearer and more appropriate to the task.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including “It is often argued that employers should focus on their prior experience” and a sentence beginning “after interview and selection.” However, complex constructions are often faulty, and errors occur frequently enough to make some sentences hard to follow. For example, “the benefits of considerably outweigh its disadvantage” lacks a clear subject and has a number-agreement problem; “information give employers” has incorrect subject–verb agreement; and “whether they want to articulate or not personal information” has an unclear grammatical structure. There are also problems with articles and sentence boundaries, including the placement of the personal example after the conclusion. Practise building accurate subject–verb–object sentences first, then add subordinate clauses and check agreement, articles, and punctuation.

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