Band 7.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 7.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-07-24

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 7.0)

The topic of wheather personal information is to be shared or not while applying for a new role has attracted a great deal of attention. In my opinion, collecting data is another thing while misusing them for own benefit is definitely a crime.

Primarily, every jobs that are on job boards will ask for maximum personal information everytime we apply. Some companies use them to transform their company policies and provide as much benefits to their employees. Moreover, human resource department can evaluate their performance and help determine equavivalent compansations for their roles. For example, if an organisation has more of younger staff, company can provide a comman area where they can relax and enjoy during office hours and build community at work.

However, many companies misuse this details for company's personal profit. For instance, some companies who hire employees in collaboration with some third-party might share all their employees data for some financial profit. But those contact details can be used by that other organisations to promote unnecessary products and might spam them with unwanted offers in their mails. Collecting these details is alright when done with consent of reusing them, but things change when they get leaked online by some criminal organisations which can lead to personal harm for an individual.

In conclusion, companies asking for any private information should provide a clear agreement of how that information will be processed further and will not be shared elsewhere along with how securely they will be stored. Although, there are different viewpoints, it is always safe to not provide each and every private details publicly and stay protected.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 7.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both the relevance of personal information in recruitment and the potential risks of misuse. You have a clear position, which is maintained throughout the essay. The ideas are relevant, such as the mention of HR using data for employee benefits versus the risk of third-party data leaks. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited; for instance, the argument regarding 'younger staff' and 'common areas' is a bit specific and could be more broadly linked to organizational culture. To reach a higher band, ensure that your supporting points are more fully extended and balanced across both sides of the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 7.5

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. You use cohesive devices such as 'Primarily', 'Moreover', 'However', and 'In conclusion' to signal the progression of your argument. While the flow is generally smooth, some transitions are slightly mechanical, and the referencing of 'this details' (which should be 'these details') is occasionally imprecise. Paragraphing is used appropriately to separate the two viewpoints. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring that pronouns and determiners consistently refer back to the correct nouns to enhance the overall flow.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.5

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'collaboration', 'financial profit', and 'processed'. However, there are several spelling errors and word-choice inaccuracies, such as 'wheather' (whether), 'equavivalent' (equivalent), 'compansations' (compensations), and 'comman' (common). These errors do not impede communication, but they do limit the score. To achieve a higher band, focus on refining your spelling and using more precise collocations. For example, instead of 'provide as much benefits', use 'provide as many benefits as possible' or 'maximize employee benefits'.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.5

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('every jobs that are', 'company can provide') and incorrect pluralization ('this details'). While these errors are noticeable, they rarely impede the reader's understanding of your points. To improve, pay closer attention to basic grammar rules like pluralization and subject-verb agreement. Incorporating more varied complex sentence structures, such as conditional clauses or passive voice, would also help demonstrate a wider grammatical range and improve your score.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.