Band 7.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 7.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-07-28
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 7.0)
Most times, employers often ask intending employees some personation details, such as the things they like and what they love doing, and if they are married or single. Some individuals argue that this is not necessary and not important. while others vehemently disagree. Although there are reasons why personal information shouldn't be disclosed anyhow, in my opinion, it is important for employers to know these details.
On the one hand, the society we live in nowadays is becoming very insecure, as such, people are mostly encouraged to keep personal information such as; age, date of birth, personal goals, marital status and hubbies secrete. This is necessary because when it gets to the wrong hand, it could be used against the individual. For instance, scammers can use personal details of a person to extort another person on disguise.
On the other hand, globally, the welfare of staff at any establishment is always a priority. This has made employers to recently request for personal details which can enable them to arrange for their staff's benefits. For example, an intending employee during interview could be asked his marital status; which will assist the company to know if they will allocate a family accommodation to the new staff or provide a single's apartment as housing benefit. I believe that personal information of people is relevant for the employer to have.
In conclusion, although personal details are supposed to be protected in other to avoid them entering into the wrong hands, I suggest it should be made available to employers, as it could be necessary to provide the benefits of a staff appropriately.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 7.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 7.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 6.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 6.5 |
| Overall | 7.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 7.0
The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. The ideas are relevant, such as the security risks of sharing data versus the practical benefits for employee welfare. However, the development is somewhat limited; for instance, the argument regarding security could be expanded with more specific examples of how such data is misused. The position is consistent throughout the essay. To reach a higher band, ensure that each body paragraph provides more depth and nuanced analysis rather than relying on brief examples.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 7.5
The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Paragraphing is used appropriately to separate the two opposing viewpoints. Cohesive devices such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' are used to guide the reader. However, some transitions are slightly mechanical, and there are minor issues with punctuation and referencing, such as the misuse of a semicolon after 'such as' in the second paragraph. Overall, the progression of ideas is clear and easy to follow.
Lexical Resource — Band 6.5
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, allowing the writer to express their ideas clearly. There are some attempts at less common vocabulary, such as 'vehemently' and 'extort'. However, there are several instances of awkward word choice or non-standard collocations, such as 'personation details' (instead of 'personal details'), 'hubbies' (a misspelling of 'hobbies'), and 'on disguise' (instead of 'in disguise'). These errors do not impede communication, but they indicate a need for more precise control over word choice and spelling.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.5
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement ('employers to recently request') and preposition usage. Punctuation is also inconsistent, notably the incorrect use of a semicolon in the second paragraph. While the writer attempts complex structures, these are often marred by minor errors. To improve, focus on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed with correct syntax and punctuation.
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