Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-07-29

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Nowadays, employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. This has become an important issue in modern society. In this essay, i will discuss both views before giving my own opinion.

On the one hand, some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. There are several reasons why its very important for the future referrals. To collaborate with people's. Company often celebrate the festival like birthday, wedding anniversary, and other kind of new year party. In addition, companies will provide the trip coupons for employee to reduce the work stress and pressure. It helps people to focus the work more confident and well-being of the operations.This is because, it save our personal interest and behaviour. That's y they askimg for the personal information to save for the future needs.

On the other hand, some people will disagree. It can also be argue that they don't want to show their personal details. It is very

confidential. Also, they need to keep it private. Because, working in the company means they need to verify the educational documents, such as degree, transcript, and other sports documents. It not necessary to provide the personal details. Many people's believe that work is different from the family. They don't want to involve any sort of pressure during the work hours.

In conclusion, both views have their merits. However, I believe that privacy is more important than anything. I would suggest to keep the personal details. Because of the work pressure, efficiency, and quality of life.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both sides of the argument and provides a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is limited. For example, the argument regarding 'trip coupons' and 'birthday celebrations' is somewhat tangential to the core issue of personal information disclosure. The explanation of why employers need this information is unclear, and the reasoning in the second paragraph is repetitive. To reach a higher band, you need to provide more logical, well-supported arguments that directly address the implications of sharing personal data in a professional context, rather than focusing on company social events.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organised into paragraphs, but the flow between ideas is often mechanical or disjointed. While transition words like 'On the one hand' and 'In addition' are used, they are sometimes placed awkwardly or do not effectively link the preceding thought to the next. The referencing is occasionally unclear, such as in the sentence 'This is because, it save our personal interest and behaviour', where the connection to the previous point is lost. Improving the use of cohesive devices and ensuring each paragraph has a clear, singular focus would significantly enhance the logical progression of your writing.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the precision and range required for higher bands. There is frequent repetition of basic words like 'personal information' and 'people'. Some word choices are inaccurate or unnatural, such as 'future referrals' and 'trip coupons'. Additionally, there are several instances of incorrect word forms, such as 'askimg' (spelling) and 'people's believe' (grammar/word choice). To improve, focus on learning collocations related to professional environments and avoid using informal or vague phrasing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and some attempted complex structures, but there are frequent errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally impede clarity. Common issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'it save our personal interest'), missing articles, and incorrect sentence fragments. For instance, 'Because, working in the company means...' is an incomplete thought. Punctuation is also inconsistent, with unnecessary commas used throughout. You should focus on mastering basic sentence construction and ensuring that your subjects and verbs agree before attempting more complex grammatical structures.

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