Band 7.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 7.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-07-30

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 7.0)

In today's world, hobbies and interests and marital status have become an integral part of someone's resume. These are no more aspects of personal information but have become things to connect with one another.

Firstly, being aware of your employees interests helps employers to include them in workspace atmosphere. This not only increase attendance but also productivity of work. Moreover, the workers feel welcomed and they become loyal at work. In addition to this, the people become ambassador for the company through their wonderful experiences which earn them reputation in the market. A classic example for this is Google and Amazon . These both market leaders have designed their offices in a way that people dream to work there. From playground to indoor sports, small theatre to best canteen everything is perfect there.

On the other hand, incidents have been reported for abuse based upon gender and likings. We can understand this better through the situations faced by LGBTQ community. Sometimes, they are not being treated as the part of the society and even been expelled from their roles. Along with this, family threats have also been seen in today's corporate world.

According to me, gathering personal information at workplace is relevant to only some extend. This information should be used for the betterment and welfare of the employees rather than discriminating them. Some traits such as sex or gender should not be considered much and be left to documents only. Moreover, this needs to be regulated properly through government regulations.

Therefore, the employers need to be careful with respect to their employees information and impose a well structured rules regarding usage of this data.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 7.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of disclosing personal information during the hiring process. You clearly state your own opinion in the fourth paragraph. However, the development of ideas is somewhat uneven. While the benefits are supported by examples like Google and Amazon, the discussion on the drawbacks regarding the LGBTQ community and family threats is less detailed and could have been expanded to better illustrate the potential for discrimination. To reach a higher band, ensure that each supporting point is fully explored with specific reasoning or further examples to strengthen your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 7.0

The essay is logically organized into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct focus. You use cohesive devices such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'On the other hand', and 'Therefore' to guide the reader through your arguments. However, some transitions feel slightly mechanical, and the referencing is occasionally imprecise, such as in the opening paragraph where the connection between hobbies and marital status is not fully clarified. The progression of ideas is generally smooth, but improving the variety of linking phrases and ensuring that each sentence flows naturally into the next would enhance the overall coherence of the piece.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.5

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'integral part', 'workspace atmosphere', and 'discriminating'. There are some minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as 'reputation in the market' (should be 'a reputation') and 'impose a well structured rules' (should be 'impose well-structured rules'). While you attempt to use more sophisticated vocabulary, some expressions feel slightly unnatural. To improve, focus on learning common collocations and ensuring that your word choices are precise and contextually appropriate for a formal essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.5

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('being aware of your employees interests helps' should be 'employees' interests') and missing articles ('the' before 'workspace atmosphere'). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the space before the period in 'Amazon .'. While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they occur frequently enough to prevent a higher score. Focusing on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy and refining your use of complex sentence structures will help improve your score.

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