Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-04

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Employers asking for personal information about hobbies, interests and martial status are relevant as it can help them to keep the record about the employees working at their place.

I think, having information about the hobbies and interests are useful when you have to do something out of box. If you have a project that need something different to be done that having an employee who is good at that can be helpful. By having knowledge of employee's hobby can let you know which employee will be helpful in what kind of project. For example, if you have a project that requires some special type of thoughts and you know that one of your employee is good at detailed work in words then this can be helpful for you as you can ask that employee to help you work on that project.

Sometime, employees personal information of their marriage is also crucial. It can be more helpful when you have to file a tax and need your employee's information to fill the details necessary. Also, it can meet the security of the company as it can let you know the background of the family.

Employers can also take this opportunity of having data about employees as an advantage to make the work environment healthy. Organizes some events at includes showing your hobbies there can help workers feel light at work. For instance, if you know that your some of the employees are good at creativity then you can organize a creativity competition; employees have to make some good creative work on the decided particular day in the office and have to present it. This will help to make that environment of the workplace more joyful.

To conclude, having personal information about employee is critical for the company and our own safety. I think information about hobbies and interests is useful when you have as a specific type of project requirement to satisfy.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While you mention that hobbies can help with project allocation, the explanation is repetitive and lacks depth. The point regarding marital status for tax purposes is relevant, but the claim about 'security' and 'background of the family' is vague and not fully supported. To improve, ensure that each point is extended with more specific reasoning or concrete examples. The conclusion is a bit brief and does not fully synthesize the arguments presented in the body paragraphs.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into paragraphs, and there is a logical progression of ideas. You use some cohesive devices, such as 'For example', 'Also', and 'To conclude', which help guide the reader. However, some transitions feel mechanical, and the flow between sentences could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the discussion of hobbies and the discussion of marital status is abrupt. Additionally, some referencing is slightly unclear, such as the use of 'that' in 'that having an employee who is good at that can be helpful', which makes the sentence structure clunky and difficult to follow.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The vocabulary used is generally adequate for the task, allowing you to convey your meaning clearly. You attempt to use some topic-specific vocabulary like 'work environment', 'project requirement', and 'creativity competition'. However, there are instances of word-choice errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'martial status' (likely meaning 'marital status'), 'keep the record about the employees', and 'meet the security of the company'. To reach a higher band, focus on using more precise collocations and avoiding repetitive phrasing. Expanding your range of academic vocabulary would also be beneficial.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

You demonstrate a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ('information... are useful'), incorrect article usage, and awkward sentence construction ('Organizes some events at includes showing your hobbies'). Punctuation is generally functional, but some sentences are overly long and lack the necessary internal punctuation to be grammatically sound. To improve, focus on proofreading for basic errors and practicing the construction of complex sentences to ensure they remain error-free.

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