Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-06
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 5.5)
Some people believe that people are ask for private information such as their hobbies and interests, and marital status when applying for jobs. Others believe that this information is irrelevant. This essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I believe that personal data has to be shared for professional records.
On the one hand, A large scale enterprises keeps record of the people working for company that will actually create relationships with similar interests of person. This means that colleagues could know each other better, improve teamwork and gives emotional support when required. Moreover, After office hours, people can actually gel nicely with other, having dinners at night. For instance, Migrants who are residing alone for the job purpose can actually find a partner to spend a life with. In addition, Some of the businesses required criteria to be match with their employer. For example, NGOs, and other social organisation required a person who are interested for social help.
On the other hand, providing too much information about yourself may harm your mental well-being. This means that Women are not much confident about sharing there preferences and marriage status. For example, Married ladies suffered from less opportunities in the film industry. Moreover, Sometimes this will hampered your security as people from similar interest can follow you for their need.
To conclude, Although sharing personal information while applying for job is advantageous for individuals, it should maintain personnel's security. While others argue that for professional growth, people should not necessarily mentioned about their personal interests as this delays the upcoming opportunities.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response addresses both sides of the argument and provides a personal opinion, meeting the basic requirements of the prompt. However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the argument regarding 'social help' for NGOs is vague, and the point about 'security' in the second body paragraph is not fully explained or linked clearly to the prompt. The conclusion is slightly contradictory, as it suggests sharing information is advantageous while simultaneously warning about security risks without a clear synthesis. To improve, ensure that each point is supported by a more detailed explanation or a more concrete, logical example.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organized into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. Cohesive devices are used, such as 'On the one hand,' 'Moreover,' and 'To conclude,' but they are sometimes used mechanically or inappropriately. For example, the transition 'In addition, Some of the businesses required criteria' is grammatically awkward and disrupts the flow. Referencing is occasionally unclear, such as the use of 'this' to refer to broad concepts that haven't been fully defined. Improving the variety and precision of linking words would help the essay progress more smoothly.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the precision and range required for higher bands. There are several instances of awkward word choices or incorrect collocations, such as 'gel nicely with other' instead of 'socialize' or 'bond,' and 'required criteria to be match' instead of 'require candidates to match.' The phrase 'social help' is also imprecise. While the meaning is generally clear, the lack of sophisticated vocabulary and the presence of errors in word formation limit the score in this criterion.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede readability. Common issues include subject-verb agreement ('Some of the businesses required,' 'Women are not much confident'), article usage, and pluralization ('a person who are interested'). There are also issues with tense consistency and word order. While the meaning is usually understandable, the frequency of these errors prevents the writing from reaching a higher band. Focusing on proofreading for basic subject-verb agreement and article usage would significantly improve the quality of the writing.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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