Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-06

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

There are split opinion regarding the employers sometimes ask individuals applying for the jobs for personal information including their hobbies and interest and whether they are married or single. Some believes that this information is useful and relevant for the organization, where as other group of thinkers support not to give personal details for safety reason. Both has its own pros and cons. Therefore , before commenting on my decision both the opinion would be discussed.

Examining the former opinion, the primary arguments the supporters would put forward is the safety concerns. This is because sharing all the personal information can put them on high risk. In addition, they also believe there can be higher chances of the cyber attack to their information. The reason is because of the increase in technology and innovation.

On the contrary, the latter view suggest that keeping all the information is relevant and useful because organization will use this data to keep track of their number of employers who have worked till date. Besides this, company can recommend or give opportunities and promotion on the basis of their details and can pass to another organization as a reference. Furthermore, in future if the company has opening they can reach out to older employee and give them first preference.

To conclude and give my opinion, I would say that keeping all the personal information can create clarity between the employer and employee is the most appropriate way to deal with this situation. In a big picture, this would clear the communication barriers and can provide transparency and build trust within the companies.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both sides of the argument and provides a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the argument regarding 'safety concerns' is mentioned but not fully explained in the context of job applications. The second body paragraph attempts to justify why personal information is useful, but the points about 'tracking the number of employers' and 'passing details to other organizations' are slightly illogical or unclear in a professional context. To reach a higher band, you should provide more concrete, realistic examples of how such information impacts the hiring process or employee-employer relations.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, and there is a logical progression of ideas. You use some cohesive devices such as 'In addition', 'On the contrary', and 'To conclude'. However, some transitions are mechanical or slightly awkward, such as 'Therefore, before commenting on my decision both the opinion would be discussed'. Additionally, the referencing is occasionally unclear; for example, in the second paragraph, it is not immediately obvious who 'they' refers to in the context of the argument. Improving the flow between sentences and ensuring that pronouns clearly refer to their antecedents will enhance the coherence of your writing.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but it lacks the precision and range required for a higher band. There are some instances of word-choice errors, such as 'group of thinkers' (which sounds unnatural) and 'split opinion' (should be 'split opinions' or 'divided opinions'). You rely on fairly simple vocabulary throughout the essay. To improve, try to incorporate more topic-specific collocations related to human resources and data privacy, and ensure that your word forms are accurate (e.g., 'employers' vs 'employees').

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but the essay contains frequent grammatical errors. Common issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Some believes', 'Both has'), article usage (e.g., 'the employers sometimes ask'), and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'support not to give personal details'). While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are frequent enough to distract the reader. To improve, focus on mastering basic subject-verb agreement and refining your use of articles and prepositions. Attempting more complex structures is good, but ensure they are grammatically sound.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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