Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In contemporary society, contentipous issues often sparks debate and request of personal information during recruitment process has no exception. Some people opine that personal data are important in the employemnt procedure while other advocate it is useless. In this essay, we analyse both view before elucidating the final stance and also delineate my own view.

There are plethora of the reason of asking personal information while applying for the jobs. Firstly, Recruiting companies have to manage record of the location, background of theeir employess that would be required at the time of auditing. For instance, higher authorities verify all the senior and junior employees afte specified time period as it is soemtime legal obligation for them to complete. Secondly, Companies may have to segregate their employees according to their mentioned inteerest and hobbies to match with the specific role. For example, if person has experiense of MS excel and XERO application then management shoiuld hire him in finance department. Hence, Private data is essential for the companies to organise their jobs.

Shifting to the other prospective, somtime employees's personal information would be misused by the organisations by which frauds and scams get commited that converted into the financial loss. As a result , People against of this criteria of giving personal information.

I opine that companies have under legal boundations to get recruitee's personal information to manage record for professional use. However, Firms have legal obligation and formal duty to give security and don't use that information with employees permission.

To conclude. negative views of taking personal data can be vanish by providing safety and applying proper control on the use of this data by implementing proper rules and regulation in the company, because private information is the basic need not only in placement sector but also in other sectors such as hospitals, schools, banks ets.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat uneven. The argument regarding hobbies and interests is slightly confused, as the example provided (MS Excel/XERO) relates more to professional skills than personal hobbies. The conclusion is a bit repetitive, and the discussion on the 'cons' of sharing data is underdeveloped, lacking specific examples of how misuse occurs. To reach a higher band, ensure that each point is fully supported with clear, relevant examples that directly address the specific prompt (hobbies/marital status) rather than general professional data.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear progression of ideas. Cohesive devices are used, such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'Shifting to the other prospective', and 'To conclude'. However, some of these are used mechanically, and there are instances where the flow is slightly awkward due to grammatical errors (e.g., 'negative views... can be vanish'). Referencing is generally clear, but the transition between the two sides of the argument could be smoother. Paragraphing is used appropriately to separate the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The range of vocabulary is adequate for the task, but there are frequent spelling errors (e.g., 'contentipous', 'employemnt', 'theeir', 'soemtime', 'inteerest', 'experiense', 'shoiuld'). These errors are noticeable and occasionally distract the reader. While the student attempts to use some academic vocabulary like 'elucidating', 'delineate', and 'segregate', the overall control is inconsistent. The word choice is generally functional, but more precision is needed to express complex ideas clearly. Improving spelling accuracy and collocation awareness will significantly enhance this score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text, including subject-verb agreement issues ('issues often sparks', 'data are important'), missing articles, and incorrect verb forms ('can be vanish', 'get commited'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with comma usage. While the meaning is generally clear, these persistent errors demonstrate a lack of control over complex structures. To improve, focus on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy and ensuring consistent verb tense usage.

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