Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Nowadays, most of the officials asked people to share their private information about their personal life like their interests and their married life. Several are agreed that this information is important, but some are not supporting. So, before giving my opinion on this statement, i will discuss both the views in further paragraphas.

On the one side, many people believe that personal information is needed in job application. That is because the employers could give employees the benefits of claiming insurance for their spouse or family if they had as well as could invest in activities according to their hobbies and interest to make them stress free. For example, the software company arrange the sports to make their employees stress free and also give them free insurance safety for the family if they are married till they work.

On the other side, others argue that private information may be used in some harmful way by the officials. They believe this because they feel insecure to give their personal information about their interest and about their family as some workplace require no personal information still they asked for it. For instance, in supermarket, there is no need for applicants private information still they requested but what if the employer is not trustworthy, they can it to harm the employees family.

To conclude, both the views have their own merits. However, i support the former perspective because, if people give their private information at the time of job application, they could easily benefited by the owners of the workplace in their interest and for their family.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While you mention benefits like insurance and stress relief, the explanation remains quite general. The counter-argument regarding privacy concerns is also a bit simplistic, focusing heavily on the example of a supermarket. To reach a higher band, you should expand on the implications of these practices, such as the ethical boundaries of data collection or the legal protections for employees, rather than relying on repetitive phrasing. The position is consistent, but the depth of analysis is restricted by the limited range of supporting arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organised into clear paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. You use basic cohesive devices like 'On the one side', 'On the other side', and 'To conclude' to signal transitions. However, the flow between sentences is sometimes mechanical, and the use of referencing is occasionally unclear (e.g., 'they can it to harm'). The logical progression is present, but the connections between ideas could be more sophisticated. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring that pronouns clearly refer back to their antecedents would enhance the overall coherence of the piece.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks precision and variety. You rely on common terms like 'private information', 'important', and 'harmful'. There are also some awkward collocations and word choice errors, such as 'officials' (when referring to employers) and 'they could easily benefited'. To improve, you should aim to use more topic-specific vocabulary related to human resources, data privacy, and professional ethics. Expanding your range to include more academic or formal collocations will help you convey your ideas with greater accuracy and sophistication.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede the flow. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('most of the officials asked'), tense inconsistencies, and missing articles or prepositions. For example, 'the software company arrange' should be 'arranges', and 'they could easily benefited' should be 'they could easily be benefited'. While the meaning is generally clear, these persistent errors prevent the writing from reaching a higher band. Focusing on proofreading for basic verb forms and sentence construction will significantly improve your score.

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