Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Nowadays, many business owners require personal data of their employees before joining the enterprise such as about their leisure activities. Few people consider it as a beneficial approach that i also believed while others disagree with this notion. This essay will discuss the both perspectives with some relevant examples in the following paragraphs.

On the one hand, companies always look for a loyal multi-tasking and active employee. The purpose of asking such personal information assist them to analysis person's overall ability and dedication towards the duties. For example, an employee who has interest to play chess she/he must have excellent IQ level which which help the owner to develop strategic thinking. Moreover, most of the employers use their skills to make company's environment more joyful and enthusiast always.

On the other hand, some people highly condemn this approach because of the individual's privacy. In other words they consider that their hobbies and interest can not be the part of their profession so they do not need to mention in their curriculum vitae. For instance, if someone have the interest in sports, However he/she works in a hospital. there is no sense to mention about this activity. As a result, majority of people avoid to mix their personal and professional life.

Taking everything into account, Although this viewpoint has some demerits yet the benefits for employers and employees outweigh completely. As it provides various opportunities to get promotions, find joy and calm environment at offices.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear personal opinion. However, the response falls short of the 250-word minimum requirement, which negatively impacts the development of ideas. While the main points are relevant, the supporting arguments, such as the chess example, are somewhat superficial and could have been expanded to provide a more thorough discussion. The conclusion is also quite brief. To improve, ensure you fully develop your points with more detailed explanations and examples to meet the length requirement and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the prompt.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear progression of ideas. You use some cohesive devices like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'Taking everything into account' to signal shifts in the argument. However, the use of these devices is sometimes mechanical or slightly awkward, such as the transition in the third paragraph. Additionally, there are some issues with referencing and sentence flow, such as the repetitive use of 'he/she' and 'they'. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring smoother transitions between sentences would enhance the overall flow.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, allowing you to convey your meaning clearly. You attempt to use some topic-specific vocabulary like 'curriculum vitae', 'strategic thinking', and 'multi-tasking'. However, there are instances of imprecise word choice, such as 'enthusiast' used as an adjective instead of 'enthusiastic', and 'condemn' which is slightly too strong for this context. To reach a higher band, focus on using more precise collocations and a wider range of academic vocabulary, while ensuring that words are used in their correct grammatical form.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While you attempt complex sentences, there are frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('an employee who has interest... she/he must have'), punctuation errors (the fragment 'However he/she works in a hospital'), and repetitive errors like 'which which'. These errors are noticeable and occasionally distract the reader, though they do not completely impede communication. To improve, pay closer attention to basic sentence construction, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of punctuation to separate independent clauses.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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