Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-11

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

As a working professional, I can understand this kind of behaviours of the employer. It usually happens when the company is on a smaller scale. They asked for the personal information to know everything about the employee life to micromanage them later. That you do not have kids, any extra liability why you need a hike. Because they don't judge you with the performance base, their evaluation starts with liabilities. To know about employees personal interest is sometimes to verify the hobbies matched with the role.

However, some employers wants to know employees martial status to offer a family oriented package. For example, it covers their family health insurance and children school expenses.

Therefore, in my opinion the employer should inform the employee why they wanted to know all these personal details with a genuine intention. And explain the reasons why they actually needed them so employee will be more comfortable to share it.

Second reason, its unethical to ask for a personal and confidential information from someone without their consent. For example, It can be really challenging for the company if an employee personal data leaked from their data centre and published online through the hackers attack. Or it might be more risky if they start threatening a person with their secret information. The person can easily sue the employer for the breach and keeping its private records in their inventory.

After considering all above reasons, I came across a conclusion that employer should not keep the private and confidential data of the employee.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The response addresses both sides of the argument, discussing why employers might want personal information and why others disagree. However, the development of ideas is somewhat uneven. The first paragraph is a bit disjointed, and the argument regarding 'micromanagement' is not fully explored. While you provide a clear personal opinion, the transition between the two viewpoints could be more balanced. The conclusion is a bit abrupt and does not fully synthesize the points made earlier. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your supporting examples are more directly linked to the core arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5

The essay is organized into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes mechanical or inaccurate. For instance, 'Second reason' is used to introduce a new paragraph, but the connection to the previous point is weak. Referencing is occasionally unclear, such as in the phrase 'all these personal details', which lacks a specific antecedent. The flow between sentences is sometimes choppy, and the logical progression of ideas could be improved by using a wider variety of linking words to show relationships between arguments more effectively.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, but there are instances of imprecise word choice and collocation errors. For example, 'behaviours of the employer' is slightly unnatural; 'practices' would be better. 'Performance base' should be 'performance-based', and 'martial status' is a spelling error for 'marital status'. While you attempt to use more sophisticated terms like 'liabilities' and 'confidential', the overall control is inconsistent. To reach a higher band, focus on using collocations accurately and ensuring that your vocabulary choices are appropriate for a formal essay context.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ('some employers wants') and awkward phrasing ('the employer should inform the employee why they wanted to know'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with comma usage. While the meaning is generally clear, the frequency of these errors prevents the writing from reaching a higher band. You should focus on proofreading for basic subject-verb agreement and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed with correct tense consistency.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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