Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-12

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

The company owners sometimes asking about individual's peronal details, regarding their marrainge life and hobbies for applying jobs. According to section of society, these informations are totally useless for getting any jobs, while others think opposite. In this essay, I will further discuss reasons of the viewpoints of both parties and provide my view.

Primary reason for asking the personal information by the employers, is the safety of their employees. Based on the perosnal information, employer can judge the individuals regarding their behaviour. A person who has a criminal history in the past might have the anger issues. So, instead of having a good skills, he can not manage the relationships with their fellow employees and with their client. As a result, due to the anger, a person with anger issue cansometimes harm their fellow employees as well. For example, a a recent crime report published by a police officer of the UK shows, a manager of wellknown firm Amazon, attacked his junior employee for not finishing the task on time.

Allocating the tasks according to individuals personal life and interest is the another reason, why employers are asking about about people's inside information. A married employee can not work overtime for completing the project on time, because they need to provide their time to their families as well. In contrary, single person can participate more into the project. So, according to these details can help employers to providing the tasks according to their personal life.

According to other section of the society, who are opposing the view of asking the personal information works are running based on the skills. A person with the excellent hobbies and interests can not help the employers to complete the projects on time. If, individuals have more skills related to their work, can finish the work more efficiently, and on time.

A chances of misusing the private information increases, is the another reason why people are opposing the view of not asking about personal information. For instance, a survey happened in the the Adani Group companies reveals, persons who have weired liking about choosing partner are getting more problems to work there. So, by knowing the peronal data of individals, employers sometimes blackmailing their employees as well.

To conclude, I am in a favour of asking the personal information, as it can help employers to allocating the tasks and safety of their employees.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. The ideas are relevant, such as the argument regarding employee safety and work-life balance. However, the development is somewhat uneven. The argument about 'criminal history' is a bit of a leap when discussing hobbies and marital status, and the example regarding Amazon is not clearly linked to the prompt's focus on personal information. The conclusion is brief but states your position clearly. To improve, ensure that your supporting examples directly relate to the specific types of personal information mentioned in the prompt.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, each with a clear focus. You use some cohesive devices, such as 'In contrary' (which should be 'In contrast') and 'To conclude'. However, the flow is occasionally hindered by mechanical or slightly unnatural transitions. For instance, the transition between the discussion of safety and the example provided is a bit abrupt. Additionally, some referencing is slightly unclear, and the use of cohesive devices could be more varied and sophisticated to improve the overall progression of ideas.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, allowing you to express your ideas clearly. You attempt some topic-specific vocabulary like 'criminal history' and 'misusing private information'. However, there are several spelling errors ('peronal', 'marrainge', 'weired') and some awkward collocations, such as 'inside information' or 'in a favour of'. While these errors do not prevent the reader from understanding your meaning, they indicate a need for more attention to word choice and spelling accuracy to reach a higher band.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

You demonstrate a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text, including issues with subject-verb agreement ('company owners sometimes asking', 'employers sometimes blackmailing'), article usage ('a recent crime report', 'the Adani Group'), and prepositional errors. While these errors do not impede communication, they are frequent enough to affect the overall fluency of the writing. Focusing on basic sentence construction and proofreading for subject-verb agreement would significantly improve your score.

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