Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-17

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In this forward generation, Some people think that giving personla information to the employers has been relevant and useful, such as thier hobbies, interests or the're married or single. while other society thinks opposite. This essay will discuss the both plots with relevant examples followed by my point of views.

This days, appliying for jobs had increased ratio of 70%, while appliying some companies asking for employe's personal details such as their passions, whether they are single or married, their family details, educations, family contact details and many more. However some people do not agree to share their personal details with them, one of the major disgreement to not sharing their data with employers is that, they may afraid of licking thier personal data. for example, Employe is working in compay and he already signed the contract of the on year and while signing he also provieded his contact and family information, if he wanted to left the company, but due to employer agreement of 1 year he can not leave company, he try to leave employers might be missused of thier family details and blackmail him to not leave the company. As a result, all employes shouls follow the rules if they are not then company may lick their personal information or misuse the data.

However, some people think that giving their perosnal infmation is benificial for them and the mployers as well. there are lots of people around the glob and doing a job in professional companies. and while applying for job every companies asking for their details. the major benifit employes get is thier health issue security. For instance, Any employe accures sudden health issue, the company can find the employe's family contact from thier personal data records and inform the thier family about incedent. As a result, their family can aware of this whole incedence and can take them to proper meditation. Another main benifit is that employes can get a great treat or a surprise, Company have an data of all the employes so they can aware of employe's special days and prepare things to make their day special. As an Example, any employee has a upcoming birthday, then company prepare the thinks to make their day special by doing decorations ,cuting the cake, and giving great wishes.

In my opinion, I am totally agree with given view. sharing personal details to the company is such a great think to do as this can helps as to get connected with their family members and also it is benificial for them to get treated better way.

In conclusion, Employers asking to the people who is applying for the job for their personal information, including thier married status, hobbies, educations etc. some folk are think that is useful think to do, However, other socienty is totally disagree with this and think that they might misuse thier data. so people should keet sharing thier personal data to the employes ths is very benificial for them.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both sides of the issue and providing a clear personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat inconsistent. The argument regarding data misuse is relevant but suffers from unclear expression, particularly in the example about the one-year contract. The second body paragraph provides more concrete examples, such as health emergencies and workplace celebrations, which helps support the position. To improve, ensure that arguments are logically structured and that the connection between the personal information provided and the resulting benefit or risk is explained more clearly and professionally.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, each with a clear focus. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or inaccurate. For example, phrases like 'In this forward generation' and 'In my opinion, I am totally agree' are used awkwardly. Referencing is occasionally unclear, such as the pronoun usage in the second paragraph regarding the employee's contract. While the progression of ideas is generally followable, the lack of sophisticated linking words and the repetitive nature of some transitions limit the flow of the text.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.0

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the precision and range required for a higher band. There are frequent spelling errors (e.g., 'personla', 'appliying', 'employe', 'lick' instead of 'leak', 'benificial', 'incedence', 'meditation' instead of 'medication'). The word choice is often simplistic or inappropriate for a formal essay, such as 'great treat' or 'prepare the thinks'. To improve, focus on learning the correct spelling of common professional terms and expanding your range of collocations to express ideas more accurately.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there is a high frequency of grammatical errors throughout. Common issues include subject-verb agreement ('some people think', 'every companies asking'), incorrect verb tenses, and missing articles. Punctuation is also inconsistent, with frequent run-on sentences and misuse of commas. While the meaning is generally understandable, the high density of errors in basic grammar significantly impacts the clarity of the writing. Focusing on sentence construction and proofreading for basic errors would be highly beneficial.

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