Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Nowadays, hiring has become a big task for human resource manager. While some managers believes that asking for personal information for associates like their hobbies, marital status or something about their interest its a good start to know your employee, others argues that it's not. For that reason, I will be discussing both the views and support it with examples along with my point of view.

The primary reason for asking such questions to employee is that theirs employers wants to know their employee routine, such how he start his morning or what he does in free time. This kind of questions help employers to know about how employee is living their life, For instances, If employer ask about their marital status that doesn't meant they are judging you or you age but they just want to know if there is any dependent on you or not so that they can guide you about companies policy regarding it's insurance or other benefits.

On the other hand, there are also few other employers who misuse your personal information for their own purpose. There are also several cases like employers running fraud on your personal details like using your social insurance number or exploiting your hobbies to other without your concerns. Furthermore, there are other several kinds of fraud that we didn't even know about it.

However, from my perspective I would say providing sufficient information to employer would be the best way to avoid this all chaos. Also, not all the employers are same it also depend on company with whom you are going to work. Overall, it's on us how much information we need to share with the company.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While you mention the benefits of sharing personal information (insurance/benefits) and the risks (fraud), the arguments lack depth and specific, well-explained examples. The conclusion is a bit vague, suggesting that it is 'on us' to decide what to share, which does not fully address the complexity of the employer-employee power dynamic. To improve, ensure each body paragraph provides a more detailed explanation of the 'why' and 'how' behind your points, rather than just stating them.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. You use some cohesive devices such as 'On the other hand' and 'Furthermore' to link ideas. However, the progression between sentences is sometimes mechanical, and some transitions feel abrupt. For example, the shift from discussing insurance benefits to the risks of fraud in the third paragraph lacks a smooth logical bridge. Additionally, some referencing is slightly unclear, such as the use of 'it' in 'that doesn't meant they are judging you or you age'. Improving the variety and precision of your linking words will help the flow.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

Your vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, allowing you to communicate your ideas clearly. You use some topic-specific terms like 'human resource manager', 'marital status', and 'social insurance number'. However, there are several instances of imprecise word choice and collocation errors, such as 'running fraud on your personal details' (instead of 'committing fraud') and 'exploiting your hobbies to other' (instead of 'sharing your hobbies with others'). The range is somewhat limited, and you rely on basic phrasing. To reach a higher band, try to incorporate more sophisticated collocations and avoid repetitive phrasing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but the accuracy is inconsistent. You frequently make subject-verb agreement errors, such as 'some managers believes' and 'theirs employers wants'. There are also issues with article usage and pronoun consistency, such as 'how he start his morning' and 'it's on us'. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are frequent enough to distract the reader. To improve, focus on proofreading for basic grammatical agreement and ensure that your verb tenses remain consistent throughout the essay.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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