Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-20
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 5.5)
In this modren era the demands of corporations are getting huge in terms of hiring employes because employers now a days are immensly focused on the micro imformation such as hobbies and relationship status.Many individuals belives that this imformation has a close relevence and it provides insights.Other hand some critics tend to fully disagree with this fragile approach of evaluating in hiring process.According to my collage, of views I support the second option because I firmly agree personal data of any persons will demended in getting employment is a horible idea.
Alternatively first discuss the Employers which takes a roboust approach to get the massive details in first sight.Many folks found that this quiet normal and it will highly recomend able because it evaluates a nubmer of employess about their anylatical thinkng and overall focous in workplace.For example many persons are very productive and have brain stroming ideas its better to know about there intrests so they can place in right segments.Moreover if you have a fascinatting hobbies it will automatically enchance the performance of a particular team.From a perspective it is straightforward to know the persons essentialy at round one.
Going forward many individuals argue that to much details tend to connsider as a unethical pratice by the companies.Becuse a number of audience highlight it as a negtive development that creates a gap of insecurity between them.For example now a days many companies sells the data of employess in the digital shape which creates a panic.Further more it is consider as a unattrctive form of getting hideous information of the Individuals in the first stance.
In conclusion although personal details can Improve effeciency & accessibility but in a longer run it has come with the negtive develepmonet also
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 6.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0
The response addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial. For example, the argument that hobbies enhance team performance is stated but not logically explained or supported with a concrete example. The conclusion is also quite brief and does not effectively summarize the main points. While the task is addressed, the lack of depth in supporting arguments limits the score. To improve, ensure that each body paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by a detailed explanation and a specific, relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organized into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or inaccurate. Phrases like 'According to my collage, of views' and 'Going forward' are used incorrectly or inappropriately for the context. Additionally, the transition between ideas is sometimes abrupt, making the flow feel disjointed. Referencing is occasionally unclear, such as in the second paragraph where 'it' is used without a clear antecedent. Improving the variety and accuracy of linking words would significantly enhance the logical progression of the essay.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The vocabulary range is limited and there are frequent errors in word choice and spelling that occasionally impede communication. Examples include 'modren' (modern), 'employes' (employees), 'imformation' (information), 'relevence' (relevance), 'horible' (horrible), and 'brain stroming' (brainstorming). Some collocations are unnatural, such as 'getting hideous information' and 'in the first stance'. While the student attempts to use topic-specific vocabulary, the high frequency of spelling and word-formation errors suggests a need for more careful proofreading and a focus on learning the correct spelling and usage of common academic terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors throughout. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('Many individuals belives'), incorrect article usage, and persistent punctuation errors. Sentence construction is often awkward, such as 'personal data of any persons will demended in getting employment is a horible idea.' These errors are frequent and sometimes make it difficult for the reader to grasp the intended meaning immediately. To improve, the student should focus on basic sentence construction, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of verb tenses before attempting more complex structures.
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