Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-22

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

It is often argued that, sometimes employers ask the personal information such as hobbies and interest or if they are single or married from the people who are applying for the jobs. Some people think that this information is relative while others are against their personal information. This essay will discuss both views and explain why employers ask for personal information in the subsequent paragraphs.

In the contemporary world, sharing personal information is often not preferred by the individuals due to many personal reasons. The main reason the employer ask for these details are to fill in the form which is mandatory when an individual get hire in any of the company. This information is taken only for the future concern. For example in the case of emergency the employer can contact any of their family member according to the given contact. This can save the life of any person.

Apart from it, there are some people who do not share their personal information. The significant reason is that due to artificial intelligence any people can misuse the information. Due to this individuals afraid if someone ask them any personal information. Many masses have suffered from this problem and have lost their money and personal identification. To elucidate: one of my friend receive the phone call which tells that she work at this place and and due to some problem they have lost their account number as they asked her all their account details. As a consequence, her account was hacked and the balance was zero. Therefore, people do not want to share any personal information.

In my opinion, it is fine to share any information to the employer when we are in person or face-to-face but avoid giving any detail over the phone calls. The phone calls are prank most of the time.

To conclude, personal details are `very crucial but these information should not be discussed on the calls instead if any employer ask for these details just fill the form and do not discuss with anyone else.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat uneven. The argument regarding why employers ask for personal information is limited to emergency contact details, which is a narrow interpretation of 'hobbies and interests'. The second body paragraph focuses more on general online security and identity theft rather than the specific context of job applications. While the prompt is addressed, the ideas could be more deeply explored to reach a higher band. The position is consistent, but the supporting arguments lack the depth required for a higher score.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear progression of ideas. Cohesive devices are used, such as 'Apart from it', 'For example', and 'To conclude', though some transitions feel slightly mechanical or unnatural. Referencing is generally clear, but there are instances where the flow between sentences is slightly disjointed. Paragraphing is used appropriately to separate the different views and the conclusion. Overall, the structure is coherent, but the use of cohesive devices could be more sophisticated and varied to improve the flow of the argument.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks the range and precision expected at higher levels. There is some repetition of basic terms like 'personal information' and 'details'. Some word choices are slightly awkward, such as 'Many masses have suffered' and 'future concern'. The student attempts to use some topic-specific vocabulary, but it is often used in a repetitive or slightly inaccurate way. To improve, the student should focus on using more precise collocations and a wider variety of synonyms to express their ideas more fluently.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('the employer ask', 'one of my friend receive'), missing articles, and awkward phrasing ('the phone calls are prank'). While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are noticeable and occur throughout the text. The punctuation is generally functional, but the control over complex structures is inconsistent. Increasing the accuracy of basic grammar and refining the use of complex sentences would significantly improve the score.

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