Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-22

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Employers demand a lot of personal information about their employees to whom they want to hire for their organization. Some people think that it is should be asked as such details are very helpful and necessary while others are totally opposing this concept. This essay will highlight the both the aspects and my views related to personal information collection.

Personal information helps the employers to understand the mindset of the employees. For example, if person is married and have the children then he will think to do the job more responsibly and seriously as he should be worried about his job while the bachelor might be some different thinking, he think that he can switch the company anytime. Moreover, one can be put into multiple works according to his hobbies and interests. To illustrate, one can represents the company in debates or in the conference as his skills are appropriate according the need to certain platforms from which company could take get more financial benefits.

However, it is commonly seen that the applicants usually provide the wrong information to the employers which help them to get the job. In spite of this it also seen that such kind of information sometimes become the reason of not getting the job. To illustrate, if any person is a Muslim then employers might think in such a way that all Muslims are terrorists so he will be reject even though he is well deserving candidate.

In my opinion, the personal information column should be optional, if somebody like to share his or her information then it is fine but one should not be forced to share it.

In conclusion, getting the personal information of someone is helpful but one needs to verify that their information is legit or not and consider it is secondary factor while hiring the employees.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both sides of the issue and providing a clear personal opinion. The ideas are relevant, such as the discussion on employee responsibility versus the potential for discrimination. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the argument regarding marital status and 'mindset' is a bit stereotypical and lacks depth. The conclusion is a bit brief and could have better summarised the main points. To reach a higher band, you should aim to expand on your arguments with more nuanced reasoning and ensure your examples are more universally applicable rather than relying on generalizations.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. There is a basic progression of ideas throughout the text. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes mechanical or slightly awkward, such as 'In spite of this it also seen that'. Additionally, some referencing is unclear, and the transition between sentences could be smoother. While the paragraphing is appropriate, the overall flow is occasionally interrupted by these minor issues with linking words and sentence structure, which prevents the essay from reaching a higher level of cohesion.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The vocabulary used is generally adequate for the task, allowing the message to be conveyed clearly. You use some topic-specific vocabulary like 'applicants', 'financial benefits', and 'discrimination' (implied). However, there are instances of word choice errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'take get more financial benefits' and 'all Muslims are terrorists so he will be reject'. The range of vocabulary is somewhat limited, and there is a reliance on simpler terms. To improve, try to incorporate more precise collocations and avoid repetitive phrasing to demonstrate a wider range of lexical control.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text, such as 'it is should be asked', 'if person is married', 'he think that', and 'he will be reject'. These errors are noticeable and occasionally distract the reader, although they do not completely impede communication. The control over verb tenses and subject-verb agreement needs significant improvement. To achieve a higher band, you should focus on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy and attempt to use a wider variety of complex structures with greater precision.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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