Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-23

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Although many believe that personal identity is been breached at workplace by employers is convincing. I would think In the same manner and agree belief. Also, my inclination is justified and articulated in below paragraphs.

One of the most aspect of personal information being disclosed by the employers is that trust is been risked. To elaborate, trust is been nurtured over time and there are some relationship that are kept secret for any individual. When job seekers shares that information to the employers, they might misuse that and try to benefit themselves from that. moreover, there are high chances that any person would get blackmailed or burdened for their information to get disclosed to society. To explain, it has been recently seen that many people are identified from their gender and some tend to adopt being called transgender. this kind of information is highly risky to disclose as one, would easily utilize the chance to getting exploited.

On the other hand many thinkers would argue that sharing information about health, passion, interest and martial status is crucial. this would be useful in situation of crisis when workplace is vulnerable to get dissolve this skillset would help firm to survive. For an example, Toyota was unable to cope up with technology and used the same old engines in all his cars. Though for Toyota its engine was his monopoly. During its team meetings, they got to know about some employee, who aced in designing

at their university. so, firm used their passion and interest for altering latest hybrid sports cars. This helped Toyota to capture the market.

In conclusion, employers may tend to be biased upon seeking the personal information, rather than using it for cause.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both sides of the argument and provides a personal opinion, meeting the basic requirements of the task. However, the development of ideas is inconsistent. The first body paragraph regarding privacy concerns is somewhat repetitive and lacks a clear, logical link to the prompt's specific context of job applications. The second paragraph attempts to use an example involving Toyota, but the connection between an employee's 'passion' and the company's success is not clearly linked to the necessity of disclosing personal information like marital status or hobbies. The position is clear, but the supporting arguments lack the depth required for a higher band score.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or inaccurate. For example, 'One of the most aspect' is grammatically incorrect and awkward as a transition. The flow between sentences is occasionally disjointed, particularly in the second paragraph where the transition from the general argument to the Toyota example feels abrupt. While the essay is coherent overall, the lack of sophisticated linking words and the occasional misuse of referencing (e.g., 'this kind of information') limit the effectiveness of the progression.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The range of vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks precision and sophistication. There are several instances of awkward word choices or incorrect collocations, such as 'personal identity is been breached' (should be 'privacy is being breached') and 'vulnerable to get dissolve' (should be 'vulnerable to dissolution'). The student attempts to use some topic-specific vocabulary, but the execution is often marred by errors. To improve, the student should focus on learning collocations and ensuring that words are used in their correct grammatical form.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

The essay contains a high frequency of grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. There are persistent issues with verb tenses and passive voice constructions, such as 'trust is been nurtured' and 'information is been breached'. Subject-verb agreement is also inconsistent, for example, 'One of the most aspect' and 'job seekers shares'. While the student attempts some complex sentence structures, these are frequently faulty. The punctuation is generally functional, but the overall control of grammar is limited, preventing the essay from reaching a higher band score.

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