Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-23

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.5)

In this contemporary era, most of the companies ask for some confidential information such as their hobbies and interests, as well as their marital status in job interviews. Few individuals think that this is a good practice and relevant for employers. Others disagree with this statement. This essay will discuss both views in the upcoming paragraphs before giving my own opinion.

On the one hand, personal data can be helpful to know about the mental and physical abilities of any employee. To elaborate it, those individuals who have interest in playing extensive sports games or doing physical workouts, they are more reliable to do high labour jobs. Moreover, some employers ask for marital status because their work are usually out of town or travel to different destinations, so they make sure person is able to perform this task without family members. Hence, personal data plays a significant role to identify the perfect person for the job.

However, asking personal data for some particular jobs are sometimes unnecessary. In other words, some office jobs or people working from home, their hobbies and their marital status have no relevance in their job position and work. For instance, the behavior of some people at home is different and their professional life is on other track. Eventually, some particular careers have no directly link with what jobs they are doing as well as some individuals always have boundaries between their personal and private life.

To sum up, although some professions are directly linked with personal interests and marital status, there are few careers and people have no link with their jobs, with related to personal data. I think employers should only ask for personal information, when the job requirement and duties are totally depends on employees personal details.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.5

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. The ideas are relevant, such as the link between physical fitness and manual labor, or the distinction between professional and personal life. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the argument regarding marital status and travel is a bit simplistic. To reach a higher band, you should provide more nuanced examples or deeper analysis of why these practices are considered intrusive or beneficial. The position is clear throughout, but the supporting arguments could be more thoroughly extended to demonstrate a more sophisticated understanding of the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Paragraphing is used appropriately to separate the different viewpoints. You use some cohesive devices such as 'On the one hand', 'Moreover', and 'To sum up', which help guide the reader. However, some transitions feel slightly mechanical, and there are instances where the flow between sentences is a bit disjointed, such as in the third paragraph where the connection between 'office jobs' and 'behavior at home' could be smoother. Overall, the progression of ideas is clear, but the use of cohesive devices could be more varied and natural.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'contemporary era', 'confidential information', and 'professional life'. There are some minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as 'high labour jobs' instead of 'physically demanding jobs' and 'no directly link' instead of 'no direct link'. While these errors do not impede communication, they prevent the vocabulary from being considered 'flexible' or 'precise'. To improve, focus on learning collocations—words that naturally go together—and try to incorporate more sophisticated synonyms to avoid repetition of basic terms like 'jobs' and 'personal'.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While you attempt complex sentences, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage (e.g., 'some office jobs... their hobbies... have no relevance', 'duties are totally depends on'). Additionally, there are issues with phrasing, such as 'To elaborate it' (should be 'To elaborate') and 'with related to' (should be 'in relation to'). These errors are noticeable but do not prevent the reader from understanding your meaning. To achieve a higher score, focus on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy and ensuring that your complex sentence constructions are error-free.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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