Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-24
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 5.5)
It is undeniable that employers collect personal data of their employees related to hobbies, interests or married status. People's opinions differ as to whether they should gather information or not. This essay will outline not only both views but also personal opinion which is in favor of latter viewpoint in forthcoming fragments with logical conclusion.
To commence with who feel business owner should collect personal information has positives, have their own reasons. The prime reason is that this can work as safeguard. To explain it, they can avoid any futuristic problems related to some critical cases like froud . If authorities have more information, they can identify their employee identity more accurately. the another one they can provide better working environment according personal interest an conditions. For example, a person who love to draw as hobby, can be work in department where similar kind of task or creativity is needed.
However, other argue private information should not be gathered. First and foremost is that they believe personal information may be used for other purpose which may harm employees. For an epitome, gathered personal information used by advertisement agencies to create influencial advertisements. Furthermore, personal information can be used by hackers or digital criminals. To write more Company often face digital threats such as cyber attack where personal information might be stolen. Thus, they can face cyb
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response addresses both sides of the argument and provides a personal opinion. However, the essay is significantly under the 250-word minimum, which limits the depth of the discussion. The ideas are introduced but not fully developed; for instance, the argument regarding 'safeguards' and 'fraud' is vague and lacks a concrete explanation of how personal hobbies prevent such issues. Furthermore, the essay ends abruptly mid-sentence, leaving the conclusion incomplete. Because the response is incomplete and fails to meet the length requirement, the development of ideas is insufficient to reach a higher band.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay uses basic cohesive devices such as 'To commence with', 'However', and 'Furthermore' to link ideas. Paragraphing is attempted, but the abrupt ending disrupts the overall structure and flow. The progression of ideas is logical in the first half, but the lack of a proper conclusion and the incomplete final paragraph negatively impact the coherence of the piece. Referencing is sometimes unclear, such as in the phrase 'the another one', which lacks a clear antecedent. More sophisticated linking words and better control over paragraph structure are needed to improve the flow.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks precision and variety. There are several spelling errors, such as 'froud' (fraud) and 'influencial' (influential). The student attempts to use some topic-specific vocabulary like 'digital threats' and 'cyber attack', but the overall range is limited. Some word choices are awkward, such as 'forthcoming fragments' and 'epitome' (used incorrectly to mean 'example'). To improve, the student should focus on using more precise collocations and ensuring accurate spelling of common academic terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Examples include 'who feel business owner should collect' (missing articles and pluralization), 'a person who love to draw' (subject-verb agreement), and 'can be work in department' (incorrect verb form). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing commas and capitalization errors. While the student attempts complex structures, the high frequency of errors in basic grammar prevents the response from reaching a higher band. More attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage is required.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.