Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-25

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Recruiters may ask individuals applying for work for private details, like favourite activity, what they are curious about and whether they are in any form of relationship. Although this questions seem important. I believe people who does not their information are security conscious because it exposes them to harm.

On the one hand, employers asking for personal information is considered as useful as it helps them get information like birthdays and your hobbies can strengthen the relationship in the organisation. For example, last year my company organised a surprise birthday celebration for me without my knowledge. It would not have happened if they do not have my information. In addition, it would help establish the diversity of employees as this will limit the category of workers employed. For instance, employing a particular age-grade like workers in the 30's are beneficial and they are more active to work than those in their 50's.

On the other hand, having your employees data should not be a priority due to security reason and the situation of the country as it could lead to kidnapping and criminal activities. To illustrate, a man indiana was abducted last week by someone that worked in his company because his details was leaked to public. Furthermore, it gives room for further for sexual relationship which is prohibited and can lead to lose of job and reputation. For example, a

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0

The response fails to meet the minimum word count requirement of 250 words, which significantly impacts the development of ideas. While you address both sides of the argument and provide a personal opinion, the discussion is incomplete. The final paragraph is cut off mid-sentence, leaving the argument underdeveloped. Furthermore, the point regarding 'diversity' and age-based hiring is problematic as it borders on justifying discriminatory practices, which weakens the logical flow of your argument. To improve, ensure you fully develop each point with clear examples and reach the required length to allow for a comprehensive discussion of the prompt.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5

The essay is organised into paragraphs, and there is a basic attempt to use cohesive devices such as 'On the one hand' and 'In addition'. However, the progression of ideas is hindered by the incomplete nature of the final paragraph. Referencing is sometimes unclear, such as in the sentence 'it would help establish the diversity of employees as this will limit the category of workers employed.' The connection between ideas is occasionally mechanical, and the abrupt ending disrupts the overall coherence of the piece.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the precision and range required for higher bands. You use some basic terms like 'private details' and 'favourite activity' where more academic alternatives would be appropriate. There are also some awkward collocations, such as 'limit the category of workers' and 'lose of job' (should be 'loss'). While the meaning is generally clear, the range is limited, and the errors in word choice occasionally draw attention to the language rather than the ideas being expressed.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but the accuracy is inconsistent. You have several grammatical errors, such as 'this questions seem' (should be 'these questions seem'), 'people who does not their information' (which is syntactically broken), and 'his details was leaked' (should be 'were leaked'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with the use of apostrophes and sentence fragments. These errors occur frequently enough to cause some difficulty for the reader, though they do not completely impede communication.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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