Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-25

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Recruiters may ask individuals applying for work for private details, like favourite activity, what they are curious about and whether they are in any form of relationship. Although this questions seem important. I believe people who does not their information are security conscious because it exposes them to harm.

On the one hand, employers asking for personal information is considered as useful as it helps them get information like birthdays and your hobbies can strengthen the relationship in the organisation. For example, last year my company organised a surprise birthday celebration for me without my knowledge. It would not have happened if they do not have my information. In addition, it would help establish the diversity of employees as this will limit the category of workers employed. For instance, employing a particular age-grade like workers in the 30's are beneficial and they are more active to work than those in their 50's.

On the other hand, having your employees data should not be a priority due to security reason and the situation of the country as it could lead to kidnapping and criminal activities. To illustrate, a man indiana was abducted last week by someone that worked in his company because his details was leaked to public. Furthermore, it gives room for sexual relationship which is prohibited and can lead to lose of job and reputation. For example, a man in Chelsea eye linic lose his job because he was having an affair with a staff.

In my view, employment should not necessarily be about data's. Instead it should be about what you impact to the company and how you can encourage the growth and success of the organisation.

In conclusion, although getting employees information can be considered as important and useful for future purposes, I therefore believe that it should not be entirely subjected to figures as it can disrupt the business.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is uneven. The argument regarding age discrimination (preferring workers in their 30s over those in their 50s) is problematic and lacks professional justification, which weakens the overall task response. While the position is clear, some arguments are under-developed or rely on anecdotal evidence that could be more effectively linked to the broader professional context. To reach a higher band, ensure that all arguments are logical, relevant, and professionally sound.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is organised into clear paragraphs, each with a central theme. Cohesive devices are used, such as 'On the one hand', 'In addition', and 'In conclusion', which help guide the reader. However, the use of these devices is sometimes mechanical, and there are instances where the flow between sentences is slightly disjointed. For example, the transition between the security argument and the sexual relationship argument in the third paragraph is abrupt. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring smoother transitions between ideas would enhance the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The range of vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks precision and sophistication. There are several instances of awkward word choices, such as 'favourite activity' instead of 'hobbies', 'curious about' instead of 'interests', and 'data's' instead of 'data'. Additionally, there are minor errors in collocation, such as 'impact to the company' (should be 'contribute to') and 'eye linic' (spelling error). While the meaning is generally clear, the vocabulary does not demonstrate the flexibility or precision required for a higher band score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede the flow of reading. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ('this questions seem', 'people who does not'), article misuse, and incorrect verb forms ('his details was leaked', 'lose his job' instead of 'lost'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with sentence fragments and comma usage. While the errors do not prevent the reader from understanding the main points, they are frequent enough to limit the score in this criterion.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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