Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-25

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Recruiters may ask individuals applying for work for private details, like favourite activity, what they are curious about and whether they are in any form of relationship. Although these questions seem important. I believe people who does not share their information are security conscious because it exposes them to harm.

On the one hand, employers asking for personal information is considered as useful as it helps them get information like birthdays and your hobbies can strengthen the relationship in the organisation. For example, last year my company organised a surprise birthday celebration for me without my knowledge. It would not have happened if they do not have my information. In addition, it would help establish the diversity of employees as this will limit the category of workers employed. For instance, employing a particular age-grade like workers in the 30's are beneficial and they are more active to work than those in their 50's.

On the other hand, having your employees data should not be a priority due to security reason and the situation of the country as it could lead to kidnapping and criminal activities. To illustrate, a man in Indiana was abducted last week by someone that worked in his company because his details was leaked to public. Furthermore, it gives room for sexual relationship which is prohibited and can lead to lose of job and reputation. For example, a man in Chelsea eye linic lose his job because he was having an affair with a staff.

In my view, employment should not necessarily be about datas. Instead it should be about what you impact to the company and how you can encourage the growth and success of the organisation.

In conclusion, although getting employee's information can be considered as important and useful for future purposes, I therefore believe that it should not be entirely subjected to figures as it can disrupt the business.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both sides and providing a clear personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is uneven. The argument regarding age-based discrimination is problematic and borders on being illogical, as it suggests that excluding older workers is a positive strategy for diversity. The examples provided, such as the kidnapping in Indiana or the clinic incident, are somewhat anecdotal and lack the depth required for a high-level discussion. While the position is clear, the supporting arguments would benefit from more nuanced reasoning rather than relying on extreme or potentially offensive generalizations.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, each with a clear focus. Cohesive devices are used, such as 'On the one hand', 'In addition', and 'Furthermore', which help guide the reader through the argument. However, some transitions feel mechanical, and the referencing is occasionally unclear. For instance, the link between the introduction and the body paragraphs could be smoother. The concluding paragraph is a bit repetitive, restating the prompt rather than synthesizing the main points effectively. Overall, the progression of ideas is coherent, but the flow could be improved with more sophisticated linking phrases.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but it lacks the precision and range expected at higher bands. There are several instances of awkward phrasing and word choice, such as 'what they are curious about' instead of 'interests', and 'not necessarily be about datas' (data is uncountable). The use of 'eye linic' contains a spelling error, and 'impact to the company' is an incorrect collocation. While the student attempts to use topic-specific vocabulary, the lack of control over word forms and collocations limits the score. More variety and accuracy are needed to convey complex ideas effectively.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ('people who does not share', 'his details was leaked'), incorrect verb tenses ('if they do not have' instead of 'did not have'), and misuse of articles. Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with sentence fragments in the introduction. While the meaning is generally understandable, the frequency of these errors prevents the essay from reaching a higher band. A greater focus on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy is recommended.

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