Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-30

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

It has been noticed that recently employers are more interested to know about their personal life information such as hobbies and marital status. Majority of individuals believe that this information can be useful. However, Some people not agree with this statement. I would discuss both the aspects and my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs.

Considering the first opinion, sharing personal data with organization can be helpful for both staff and employers. To elaborate this, having personal data of workers can assist companies to maintain good work environment. Some personnel are interested in playing some indoor games, reading books, eating healthy foods and many more like these. So enterprise can arrange some facilities for their employees' mental well being because mental health is a crucial in corporate world. This is because people have a lot of work load in corporate job. Therefore, company can retain their human skills for long term. Furthermore, staff can also reduced their mental stress by engaging in their favourite activities.

On the contrary, sharing personal information with companies can not be helpful to get better placement. To explain that, some crucial information such as skill , knowledge and expirence in certain field is more vital than knowing about their hobbies and marital status. This kind of data can be helpful while selecting efficient candidate for their organization. In fact during recruitment process, hiring manager not interested to know about the personal life of candidate. As a result, personal information can not helpful to decide which candidate will be suitable for certain role.

To sum up ,according to my view point , in order to maintain employee retention and healthy work environment enterprise should give priority to know about personnel's hobbies and marital status.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear personal opinion in the conclusion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While you mention that personal data helps with mental well-being, the link between marital status and workplace retention is not fully explored or logically explained. The counter-argument regarding professional skills is relevant but remains brief. To reach a higher band, ensure that each point is supported by more detailed reasoning or specific examples. The conclusion is also quite abrupt and does not fully synthesize the points discussed in the body paragraphs.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear progression of ideas. You use some cohesive devices, such as 'Considering the first opinion,' 'On the contrary,' and 'To sum up,' which help guide the reader. However, some transitions are mechanical or slightly awkward, such as 'To explain that' and 'To elaborate this.' Additionally, the referencing is occasionally unclear; for instance, the connection between 'marital status' and 'retaining human skills' is not explicitly established, making the flow of logic feel a bit disjointed in places.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, allowing you to express your ideas clearly. You use some topic-specific terms like 'recruitment process,' 'corporate world,' and 'employee retention.' However, there are instances of imprecise word choice and minor errors, such as 'human skills' (instead of 'talent' or 'workforce') and 'better placement' (which is slightly ambiguous in this context). The range of vocabulary is somewhat limited, and you rely on basic phrasing. To improve, try to incorporate more precise collocations and a wider variety of academic vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

You demonstrate a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text. Examples include missing articles ('a crucial in corporate world'), subject-verb agreement issues ('Some people not agree,' 'hiring manager not interested'), and incorrect verb forms ('staff can also reduced'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with spacing around commas. While these errors do not prevent the reader from understanding your message, they occur frequently enough to limit the score. Focusing on subject-verb agreement and article usage will significantly improve your accuracy.

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