Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-31

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Recruiters do inform individuals in search of a job for their private details such as their favourite activity, what they are curious about and whether they are in any form of relationship. Although these questions seems to be of paramount importance. I believe people who do not share their information are security conscious due to the fact that it exposes them to harm.

On one hand, employers asking for personal information is considered as useful as it helps them get information like birthdays and your hobbies can strengthen the relationship in the organisation. For example, last year my company organised a surprise birthday celebration for me without my knowledge. It would not have happened if they do not have my information. In addition, it would help establish the diversity of employees as this will limit the category of workers employed. For instance, employing a particular age-grade like workers in the 30's are beneficial and they are more active to work than those in their 50's.

By Contrast, having your employees data should not be a priority due to security reason and the situation of the country as it could lead to kidnapping and criminal activities. To illustrate, a man in Indiana was abducted last week by someone that worked in his company because his details was leaked to public. Furthermore, it gives room for sexual relationship which is prohibited and can lead to lose of job and reputation. For example, a man in Chelsea eye linic lose his job because he was having an affair with a staff.

In my view, employment should not necessarily be about datas. Instead it should be about what you impact to the company and how you can encourage the growth and success of the organisation.

In conclusion, although getting employee's information can be considered as important and useful for future purposes, I therefore believe that it should not be entirely subjected to figures as it can disrupt the business.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both sides and providing a clear personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat uneven. The argument regarding age-based hiring is problematic as it borders on discriminatory logic, which weakens the persuasiveness of the response. Additionally, the example regarding the 'Indiana' kidnapping is a bit extreme and lacks a clear connection to the necessity of personal data collection in a professional context. To reach a higher band, ensure that arguments are more balanced and logically sound, focusing on the professional implications of data privacy rather than anecdotal extremes.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, and there is a logical progression of ideas. Cohesive devices are used, such as 'On one hand,' 'By Contrast,' and 'In addition,' which help guide the reader. However, some transitions feel slightly mechanical, and the referencing is occasionally unclear, such as in the second paragraph where the link between birthday celebrations and organizational diversity is abrupt. The use of paragraphing is appropriate, but the internal flow within paragraphs could be improved by ensuring that each supporting sentence directly reinforces the topic sentence.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The range of vocabulary is adequate for the task, with some attempts at less common items like 'paramount importance' and 'security conscious.' However, there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'inform individuals in search of a job' instead of 'ask job applicants,' and 'eye linic' (likely a typo for clinic). The phrase 'what you impact to the company' is also non-standard. While the meaning is generally clear, the vocabulary lacks the precision and flexibility required for a higher band score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('these questions seems') and incorrect verb forms ('if they do not have' instead of 'if they did not have'). Punctuation is generally functional, but there are errors in capitalization and article usage. While these errors do not impede communication, they occur frequently enough to prevent a higher score. Focusing on proofreading for basic tense consistency and subject-verb agreement would significantly improve the accuracy of the writing.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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