Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-09-07

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Nowadays, companies demanding a lot of information from the employees such as their personal details. Some people think it is good to keep in company's record but other disagree with the statement. In the coming paragraph I will discuss both views.

First of all, it is a good option to keep personal details of the employees such as birthday, anniversary or their hobbies. Most of the companies put these details in online system, so on the special day software generate automatic message for the workers. For instance, Suppose today employee's birthday or anniversary they get a wish from the company side and they feel happy.

Secondly, some companies do physical activities like playing football or any other sports activity twice a month, if they know your hobbies they can select you accordingly.

On the other side, companies put all the details of employees online and there is a chance of fraud. Because scammers hack all of the company data and they try to reach the workers and getting the other information through the call or online link. For example, recently I worked in a company, someone freeze the software and no body can add or delete any detail. But company pass the message to all the employees to aware from the scammer calls or text.

In conclusion, sharing all the detail is beneficial for both company as well as employees because company check all the record time to time and they promote employees according to their experience. But there is less chance for safety of the online data because number of scammer is increasing day by day.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both the benefits and risks of sharing personal information. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While you provide examples like birthday messages and sports activities, the explanation of why these are relevant to job applications is thin. The conclusion is slightly contradictory, as it suggests sharing information is beneficial while simultaneously highlighting the risks of data breaches without clearly stating your own position until the very end. To improve, ensure your opinion is clear from the introduction and consistently supported throughout the body paragraphs.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear progression of ideas. You use basic cohesive devices such as 'First of all', 'Secondly', and 'On the other side' to signal transitions. However, the flow between sentences is sometimes mechanical, and the referencing is occasionally unclear, such as in the example regarding the software freeze. The use of cohesive devices is sufficient for a band 6, but to reach a higher band, you should aim for more sophisticated linking words and ensure that the relationship between ideas is more tightly integrated.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, allowing you to communicate your points effectively. You use some topic-specific terms like 'scammers', 'data', and 'personal details'. However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as 'company side' and 'aware from the scammer calls'. There is also a lack of less common lexical items that would demonstrate a more flexible range. To improve, focus on learning collocations and more precise academic vocabulary to replace generic terms like 'good' or 'get'.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with articles ('the employees'), verb forms ('software generate'), and prepositions ('aware from'). Some sentences are also slightly fragmented or lack proper punctuation, such as the run-on sentence in the third paragraph. While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they are frequent enough to prevent a higher score. Focus on subject-verb agreement and consistent tense usage to improve your accuracy.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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