Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-09-16
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 4.5)
in this 21st century, several times while apply for job manager ask for confidential information like knowing about their hobbies and interests, it does not matter they are married or not. Although majority humans think that this information might be appropriate or helpful. On the other side, people are disagree with this. This essay intends to analyze both the perspectives in the forthcoming paragraphs with relevant examples; however, my inclination falls in line with latter view.
On the one hand, people who advocate that asking for personal information such as hobbies and interest when they are apply for new opportunities would be useful, as it will show their interest and passion towards their jobs. In simple words, if managers ask for their hobbies and interest it will be useful because they can know about who much they are creative and useful towards their jobs. A survey conducted at "Oxford University" reveals that 65% of manager state asking for personal information helps to know about persons productivity. Hence, this will state asking for their interest bring company more profit and bring to more hike.
On the other hand, on the flip side
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.0
The response fails to meet the minimum length requirement, containing only 191 words instead of the required 250 words. Furthermore, the essay is incomplete, breaking off mid-sentence in the second body paragraph ('On the other hand, on the flip side'). Because the text stops abruptly, the second view is never fully discussed, and the writer's own opinion is not adequately supported or concluded. While the introduction attempts to address both perspectives and outline a position, the severe under-length and incomplete status of the text heavily constrain task achievement. According to the band descriptors, this falls into the lower bands due to the minimal development and failure to complete the task.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.5
The essay demonstrates some organisational structure initially, utilising standard introductory phrases such as 'This essay intends to analyze...' and transitional markers like 'On the one hand'. However, the abrupt end of the text in the second body paragraph severely disrupts the logical progression and overall flow of the essay. Paragraphing is attempted, but the incomplete second body paragraph prevents the structural framework from being properly established or evaluated. Cohesive devices are used mechanically at the beginning, but the lack of completion means that cohesive relationships across the whole text cannot be fully assessed. Overall cohesion is significantly undermined by the truncated nature of the response.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The student attempts some less common vocabulary items, such as 'confidential information', 'productivity', and 'perspectives'. However, there are notable lexical errors and unnatural collocations throughout the text, such as 'while apply for job manager ask' instead of 'when applying for jobs, managers ask', and 'bring company more profit and bring to more hike' instead of 'bring the company more profit and lead to pay rises'. Repetition of basic words like 'useful' is also evident. The vocabulary is minimally adequate to convey basic ideas, but inaccuracies in word choice and form restrict the lexical score to the Band 5.0 level.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The writing contains a mix of simple and attempted complex sentence structures, but grammatical accuracy is low. There are frequent errors in verb forms, tense consistency, and sentence construction, such as 'while apply for job' (gerund/infinitive error), 'people are disagree with this' (incorrect passive/adjective usage), and 'when they are apply for new opportunities'. Subject-verb agreement issues also appear, such as '65% of manager state' instead of 'managers state'. While some simpler sentences are constructed without severe impediment to meaning, the high frequency of grammatical errors across the limited text places this firmly in the Band 5 category.
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