Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-03
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 5.5)
An increasing number of employers ask to disclose personal data while applying for jobs, for example their field of interest, passion and whether a person married of single. However, there are few individuals opine that it is somehow relevant and helpful. Before commenting both views will be discussed futher.
On the one hand, many claim that it assist company in selecting right fit for the position they have. By this they mean if a women is married and have kids then it will helps an employer to decide whether they should hire or not. Rather they can go for a men who is available for flexible working hours. Apart from this, the person who is very good at sports might be suitable for physically demanding jobs. Such as people working in the miners requires a fit person and if the employer find in their application this characteristic then he/she may have more chance of getting a job.
On the other hand, others claim that entirely focus on personal information while choosing the candidate for a job can sometimes misguide the recruiter. For example, if a person good at sport that does not mean that he can work better in demanding jobs it is about preparedness, if a person ready to take responsible jobs then they can perform better. Another thing if of discrimination, many workplace not hiring women because of their after work resposibilities. For example the employer may think that she amy have to take frequent breaks from work due to fulfill their personal well-being which can hampers company's goals in long-run. In that case they prefer man.
In conclusion, Eventhough personal details may have some benefits in hiring. But I believe, entirely depending on personal information can have negative impact in workplace. That is why the balance approach must be followed wherever it requires then personal data should take in to consideration and other factors must be included such as qualification and experience they have.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 6.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0
The response addresses all parts of the task by discussing both views on whether personal information should be requested by employers and providing a clear personal opinion in the conclusion. However, some ideas are more fully developed than others. For instance, the arguments regarding marital status and gender roles are introduced but remain somewhat under-developed, relying on sweeping generalisations about hiring preferences rather than deeper exploration. The position is clear throughout, but the support lacks the depth and extension required for a higher level, placing this aspect of the writing firmly within the mid-range level of achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0
The essay presents a coherent overall arrangement with a clear structure that follows a standard four-paragraph format. Each paragraph has a discernible focus, moving from the introduction to opposing views and a final personal stance. However, cohesion is sometimes faulty or mechanical, with transitional phrases like 'Before commenting both views will be discussed futher' appearing awkward or abrupt. Referencing is not always entirely clear, and some cohesive devices are used repetitively or incorrectly, such as 'Another thing if of discrimination,' which disrupts the smooth logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource: Band 5.5
The student uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task and attempts some less common lexical items, such as 'misguide,' 'discrimination,' and 'responsibilities.' However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice, collocation, and word formation throughout the text. Examples include 'ask to disclose personal data' instead of asking candidates to disclose, 'a women is married and have kids,' and spelling errors like 'futher,' 'resposibilities,' and 'amy.' While these errors do not seriously impede communication, they restrict the lexical score because precision and control are lacking when attempting more complex vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0
The writer demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, attempting structures such as conditional and relative clauses. However, there are numerous grammatical errors involving subject-verb agreement, articles, plurals, and prepositions. Examples include 'if a women is married and have kids,' 'a men,' 'working in the miners,' and sentence fragments such as 'Another thing if of discrimination, many workplace not hiring women.' These errors occur across a range of structures, and while communication remains mostly clear, the frequency of basic grammatical slips prevents the writing from achieving a higher score.
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