Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-04

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Now days, a debate is going on regarding a policy in which there are some company's where their recuriters need some personal information of the person while applying for jobs. I totally agree with this view it is important for any orgainzations to know all this details before they hire new poeple for the different positions in the company.

Firstly, some people think that this all details are very important because the employers should know that the person who is applying in their company is real or not. This all details which company asked from the person who is applying for that particular poistion is as a proff that the person is qualification matches the applied position in the company. By this way company can also learn about the person that how that person will be useful to the company and it also reduces the jobs scam. There are many rules which the employeers has to follow which are made by the govt and one of them is asking for this personal details. For example, previosuly there are many cases happened in which a fake person comes for the interview in place of the real person who has applied online for those jobs. This type of case recorded in the one of the biggest IT company in the world which was TCS.

Secondly, there are also those type of people who think that sharing all their personal information with the people in the company violates their privacy laws. They think that giving information to an unknown recuriters is not safe. This information can be misused by many any person to a third party website or site or it can be a low level company. Those people also think that many huge companies can keep their personal information safe as there are many instants of hacking happens on their database. For example, in 2024 a big cyber attack happened on mircosoft where the hackers released the personal data of millions of users publicy.

At end, I think that getting information from the employees or a person while applying a job should be taken in a safe enviornment where the personal is also used for the betterment for the company and the data is also safe with company or with employers.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the task by discussing both the views that personal information is useful for security and that it violates privacy, while also providing a personal opinion in the introduction and conclusion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat uneven. While the arguments are relevant, they tend to be repetitive and lack full elaboration. For instance, the point regarding job scams and government regulations in the first body paragraph is introduced but not thoroughly explained with strong reasoning. Similarly, the counterargument concerning privacy laws and data breaches touches upon valid points, such as the mention of Microsoft in 2024, but the explanations remain at a surface level. To move to a higher level, the ideas need to be extended with deeper analysis and more cohesive supporting details rather than relying on general assertions.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay presents a coherent overall arrangement with a clear stance stated early on and paragraphs dedicated to distinct viewpoints and a conclusion. However, cohesion is at times mechanical and referencing is occasionally unclear. For example, phrases like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' are used to structure the text, but internal transitions between sentences feel abrupt. In the second body paragraph, expressions such as 'there are also those type of people who think' and 'Those people also think' create a repetitive and rigid sentence-starting pattern. Paragraphing is used sufficiently to separate the introduction, two body viewpoints, and the final thoughts, but clearer referencing markers and smoother transitional phrases are needed to establish a more seamless logical progression throughout the text.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The writer demonstrates an adequate vocabulary range for the task, successfully attempting some less common vocabulary such as 'privacy laws', 'third party', and 'cyber attack'. However, there are noticeable spelling errors ('Now days', 'recuriters', 'orgainzations', 'poeple', 'employeers', 'previosuly', 'instants', 'mircosoft', 'publicy', 'enviornment') and word-choice inaccuracies ('this all details', 'a fake person', 'applying a job') that hinder precision. While the vocabulary is minimally adequate to convey the general message, these persistent spelling and lexical slips restrict the score. To improve, the writer needs to expand control over word forms, ensure accurate collocations, and eliminate basic spelling mistakes through careful proofreading.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The response displays a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, attempting relative clauses and conditional structures. However, frequent grammatical errors are present, particularly with articles, pluralisation, subject-verb agreement, and prepositions within grammatical patterns. Examples of errors include 'there are some company's where their recuriters need', 'this information which company asked', 'a person that how that person will be useful', and 'hacking happens'. Punctuation is also occasionally weak, leading to run-on structures. These errors require some effort from the reader to decode, though they rarely completely impede communication. To reach the next level, the writer must improve control over basic sentence mechanics, agreement rules, and clause structures to produce more error-free sentences.

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