Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.5)

Some organisations ask individuals for their personal details, such as marital status and hobbies when they apply for jobs. While opponents argue that this is unnecessary and irrelevant, I firmly believe that it is mandatory for an employer to acquire all the details for verification and management record purposes.

On the one hand, it plays a vital role in an industry to know everything about the employee. Nowadays, due to a vast number of scams regarding jobs and interviews, some professional organisations have established a verification process in which the employer needs all the details of a candidate so that they can use them for future reference. For instance, management saves these useful files in their records to proceed with payroll or the punch-in system. As a result, the accounts department will not get confused by the same employee's name.

On the other hand, this has created major issues with job seekers. Some agencies require these details online, and when a candidate fills out all the mandatory fields, they share this personal information with the web developers. The data is then forwarded to the scammers, who contact the job seeker and ask for money. While I believe that it is a major documentation process for an organisation to have all the details to ensure smooth internal processes.

Based on the aforementioned reasoning, I reiterate my position that asking candidates for personal information is an imperative part of a procedure within a company. Moreover, it is the prior responsibility of individuals to research accurately on their end to protect themselves from fraud.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the task, discussing both the utility of gathering personal details for employers and the potential risks highlighted by opponents, while also clearly stating your own position in the introduction and conclusion. However, some ideas are more fully developed than others. For instance, the arguments regarding payroll management and scam risks are introduced, but they remain somewhat superficial and lack deeper extension with more specific examples. To reach the next level, you need to extend and support all your main ideas more thoroughly throughout the body paragraphs, avoiding generalisations and providing more detailed explanations or examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay presents a coherent overall arrangement with clear paragraphing, dividing the introduction, the two opposing views, and the conclusion into logical sections. There is a clear progression of ideas from discussing the employer's perspective to examining the job seeker's concerns. However, cohesion can sometimes feel mechanical or slightly faulty, such as the sentence fragment at the end of the third paragraph ("While I believe that...") which disrupts the flow of the argument. Additionally, referencing is not always completely clear. To improve, you should ensure that all sentences are grammatically complete and use a wider variety of cohesive devices more smoothly to link your ideas without abrupt transitions.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.5

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, successfully attempting less common items such as "verification process", "mandatory fields", and "aforementioned reasoning". There are some minor word-choice and phrasing errors that do not impede communication, such as "research accurately on their end" instead of conducting thorough research. Spelling and word formation are generally accurate. To achieve a higher band, you need to use a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic phrases with greater precision, demonstrating a stronger awareness of natural collocations and stylistic appropriateness.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.5

Your writing displays a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, demonstrating your ability to use subordinate clauses and complex structures like "While opponents argue that this is unnecessary..." and "...so that they can use them for future reference." There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, most notably the incomplete sentence structure at the end of the third paragraph, but these errors rarely impede communication and the majority of simple sentences are clear. To move to the next level, you should aim to produce a higher frequency of error-free complex sentences and maintain tighter control over punctuation and grammatical patterns.

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