Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In this modern world, everyone want to keep their information private as much as possible, With the passage of time, many of employer start to ask employees' personal information due to which some people thing this is helpful for better work, while other consider this is not appropriate to use personal information for work. I think, give personal information is beneficial for both employer and employees as with the help of it employees not only can focus on work, but also can manage their personal and private lives.

To begin with, give personal information means increase interest on workplace. To elaborate, when employers get to know about employees interest , then they can assign work to them according to their taste. To instance, one of my friend has hobby of play piano during his spare time and last year he joined music industry ,where his employer gave him work to play background music specially piano and during the starting of this year he got promotion as a official piano player on front stage. Thus, it was proven fruitful for employee and his employer both.

On the opposite side, it leads to misuse of information. Many employers start to take advantage of personal information such as if personal is single and has only one work to employer the employer start schedule him according to them . They does not give importance to their holidays plan. They force them to come on work. However, i think when employers know that person is married ,they will schedule them according to their availability which become beneficial for employees to balance their personal and private lives.

To conclude, although people think that employers may misuse the

personal information of employees for their advantage, but i consider that this can be helpful for employees to stay more focus on work as well they can give proper time to their work and family respectively.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

The response successfully addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both views regarding employers asking for personal information and providing a clear personal opinion. The student presents relevant ideas, such as how knowing personal details can help assign work matching an employee's taste and assist in balancing personal lives, while also acknowledging the counter-argument about potential misuse of information. However, some ideas lack full extension and suffer from under-development. For instance, the example provided about the friend playing the piano is somewhat anecdotal and shifts slightly into a specific career narrative rather than focusing broadly on workplace personal details. To reach a higher band, the ideas would need more thorough elaboration and deeper support throughout the body paragraphs.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The essay displays a coherent overall arrangement with a recognisable introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Paragraphing is used to separate different aspects of the argument, such as the benefits of sharing information versus the risks of misuse. However, cohesion can sometimes feel mechanical or faulty, as seen in transitions like 'To begin with, give personal information means increase interest on workplace' and 'On the opposite side'. Referencing and logical progression are occasionally unclear due to abrupt shifts between sentences. To improve, the student should employ a wider and more natural variety of cohesive devices and ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader seamlessly through the argument.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

The writer demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary to complete the task, attempting some less common words and phrases such as 'beneficial', 'promote', and 'availability'. However, there are notable word-choice, collocation, and word-form errors that reflect a limited precision. For example, phrases like 'give personal information means increase interest on workplace', 'play piano', and 'holiday plan' lack accurate collocations and grammatical forms (e.g., gerund usage like 'giving personal information' or 'playing the piano'). Spelling and word-form slips also appear, such as 'employer start' instead of 'employers start'. To achieve a higher level, the writer needs to expand their range of vocabulary and demonstrate greater control over word choice, collocations, and word formation.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, attempting complex structures to express opinions and conditions. However, the text contains a significant number of grammatical errors, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, articles, and prepositions. Examples include 'everyone want', 'many of employer start', 'some people thing', 'if personal is single', and 'They does not give importance'. Punctuation is also occasionally weak, with misused commas and lower-case letters at the start of clauses (e.g., 'i think'). While these errors rarely impede overall communication entirely, their frequency prevents the writing from reaching a higher level. A stronger performance would feature a higher proportion of error-free complex sentences and more consistent control over basic grammar.

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