Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Job workers sometimes ask people to complete personal details about a job interview and basic formalities. Such as hobbies and interests, or whether they are married or single. some opine that ,this information might be relevant and useful sometimes. Others argue that it is a demerit.I completely agree with the given statement. In the forthcoming paragraphs, i have supported my stand with reasonable justification

first of all, taking into account , the argument side, the first and foremost personal details are important because they help a good person in taking a job and respect it. People have been completing undergraduate studies at a very high level in colleges such as, internal collage and taking a internship in a multinational company so that , those person getting a change in the a high salary pay in the job

moreover, people's add a personal information in the job application, sothat ,their comany awear about it and any kind of emergency they easy to contact their home .so such kind of this a things is having a compony form is more benefits for as a employ and company both furthermore, company very deepliy study i the person hobbies and all thing so that, they are helpful. For example, the medical field company so the produce some of the injections and tablets

in my opinoin , adding a personal information and be help to medical insucre in provided by the company nd benifit for the employe and company policies also it

to sum up , personal information is more benifits for the employe and company both

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You state a clear overall view that personal information can benefit both employers and employees, and you attempt to explain its usefulness for emergency contact and workplace benefits. However, the task asks you to discuss both views, and the opposing view is only briefly labelled a “demerit”; it is not explained or supported. The reasons offered for the supportive view are also unclear or insufficiently connected to hobbies, interests, or marital status. For example, the reference to undergraduate study and internships does not show why employers need these personal details, while the medical-company example is difficult to follow. Develop relevant reasons for each side and explain your own position with a clear, specific example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is an attempt to organise the response with an opening, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, and phrases such as “first of all,” “moreover,” and “to sum up” signal stages in the argument. However, ideas are not arranged in a clear progression: the first body paragraph shifts to education, internships, and salary, while the next moves between emergency contacts, hobbies, and medical products. Several sentences run together or end without a clear connection, making relationships between points difficult to follow. Paragraphing is present but does not consistently separate the two views. Plan one paragraph for each view, then a conclusion, and use linking expressions only where they accurately show the relationship between ideas.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some task-related vocabulary, including “personal information,” “hobbies and interests,” “emergency,” and “company,” and you attempt more formal expressions such as “relevant and useful.” However, vocabulary is often basic, repetitive, or inaccurately formed, which makes several points hard to understand. Examples include “Job workers,” “a demerit,” “company awear,” and “medical insucre”; spelling and word-choice problems also occur in “comany” and “benifits.” Some phrases, such as “a good person in taking a job and respect it,” do not convey a clear meaning. Build a more accurate set of phrases for recruitment and privacy, and check spelling and collocations before submitting.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple and longer sentences, including a reason introduced by “because” and a purpose clause with “so that.” However, sentence structures are frequently incomplete or inaccurately formed, and punctuation and capitalisation are inconsistent. For example, “Such as hobbies and interests” is a fragment, while “People have been completing undergraduate studies … so that, those person getting a change” has faulty clause structure and verb forms. Agreement and articles are also problematic in phrases such as “those person” and “a internship.” These errors often make the intended meaning difficult to recover. Practise writing complete subject–verb sentences first, then add subordinate clauses, checking agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries.

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