Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

It is often argued that, employers should ask information about applicant's peronal interests, relationship status. Many people favours this statement becasue it enables eployers to determine individual's proficiency, while others believe that private information should reamin disclosed. This essay will discuss both points and I will give my opinion in fourth paragraph.

On the one hand, supporters of sharing peronal information opine that an employer should have access to job seeker's personal habits, hobbies and maritial status, because a person can illustrate his desired work environment. As many work places include activtiy session such as gym, cardio and other activities for workers to have their mind fresh and relax during breaks. Also, employers can attract job applicants with significant benefits suitable to their family and partners, because many companies provide health and extra bonus programs whixh can benefit employees and their families.

On the other hand, people who favours the idea of not disclosing any peronal information with hiring authorities have several reasons, as many companies tends to ask information on their websites which increases the risk of data leak. Phishing attacks are becoming a big concern which a prime result of the data leak on job listing websites. For instance, job market websites are more likely to get affected by malware due to numer of visits and some features such as 'save information' and many individuals end up sharing their sensitive information.

In my viewpoint, allowing employers and companies to access a person's habits, interests and especially relationship status can help them to undertsand individual's needs amd preferences by which they might be able to find deserving candidate.

To conclude, although sharing personal details could become a safety hazard and a concern of privacy invasion due to increase in count of cyber attackers, employers should get information about the candidate to determine if he is suitable or not.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You address both views and state a clear preference for employers having access to personal details, so the response is relevant to the task. The discussion of the opposing view gives a specific concern—data leaks and phishing—and the example of job websites helps explain it. However, the case for collecting personal information is less convincing: workplace activities and family benefits do not clearly show why marital status or hobbies help assess a candidate’s suitability. Your opinion is also asserted rather than fully justified, and the conclusion repeats it without resolving the privacy concern. Develop the relevance of each type of information and explain when, if ever, employers should ask for it; this would make the response more fully supported and balanced.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The essay has a clear overall arrangement: an introduction, separate paragraphs for the two views, your opinion, and a conclusion. Signposts such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “To conclude” make the progression easy to follow. This coherent structure is a strength. However, some links between claims are not fully clear: the discussion of gym activities and family benefits does not directly establish how personal details help employers select a suitable applicant. The sentence announcing that you will give your opinion “in fourth paragraph” is also an overly mechanical guide, and the opinion paragraph largely repeats the introduction and conclusion. Build smoother links between each reason and the task, and integrate your position more consistently rather than relying on signposting.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “relationship status,” “data leak,” “phishing attacks,” “sensitive information,” and “privacy invasion.” These choices show an attempt to discuss employment and online security specifically. However, the range is uneven, and frequent spelling errors and inaccurate word choices sometimes distract or make meaning less precise, for example “peronal,” “maritial,” “eployers,” and “deserving candidate.” Some combinations are also unnatural, such as “ask information” and “determine individual's proficiency” when discussing personal details. Proofread spelling carefully and learn common collocations as complete phrases. More precise terms such as “request personal details” and “assess a candidate’s suitability” would help express your ideas clearly and appropriately.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mix of simple and complex sentences, including clauses introduced by “because,” “while,” and “although.” This gives the essay some structural variety, and the main ideas are generally understandable. However, errors occur frequently in agreement, articles, possessives, and sentence construction. For example, “Many people favours” should use a plural verb, while “a person's habits” and “individual's needs” need consistent possessive forms and, in context, often an article. The opening sentence also has an unnecessary comma after “argued,” and “although …, employers should” creates a contrast that is not clearly explained. Practise checking subject–verb agreement and sentence boundaries, and revise complex sentences to ensure their clauses express a clear relationship.

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