Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-10

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Some people agree with companies asking individuals about their personal details, while others disagree. Personal informations should always be private as it can be misused in the hands of wrong people. But I believe that these details can really help companies to bond with their worker.

Firstly, businesses ask for personal details from their employees just to make the conversation smooth and easy. By asking these informations one can get ideas about the workes personality, behaviour, also give them insight about the upbringing of that perticular worker. For instance, when an employee has hobbies such as playing sports it shows how dedicated that person is, and that he believes in teamwork.

Secondly, asking members about their interests and thoughts can really help leaders to understand about one's character. When a person is asked about their negative traits it means that the employee knows their weakness and is working to improve toward them, they sound responsible.

Sometimes companies can help workers if they are living with family and are new to city by acknowledging this about staff they can provide solutions to staff so they can work comfortably.

However there are some critics who dont agree with sharing private data they usully belive that this data wolud not be helpful at defining the staffs. their hobbies and marital status should not affect the way of they work. And it does not interfear them working with big companies.

To conclude with I strongly believe that peronal details helps companies to grow together along with the staffs. when the mambers are happyly working in these buesinessess the compnies thrive.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You present a clear overall opinion that employers can benefit from personal information, and you include reasons such as building rapport and supporting staff who are new to a city. You also acknowledge the opposing view that hobbies and marital status should not determine how someone works. However, the discussion is uneven: the case against collecting this information is brief, and the claim that sports show dedication and teamwork is not fully explained. Some points also move away from the specific examples in the prompt, such as discussing employees’ negative traits. Develop both perspectives more evenly, explain when personal details are genuinely relevant to a job, and support your position with a specific example. This would make the response more complete and convincing.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, supporting paragraphs, a counterargument and a conclusion. Sequencing phrases such as “Firstly,” “Secondly,” and “However” help signal the direction of the discussion. At times, though, the progression is difficult to follow because several ideas are placed together without clear links: the paragraph about interests, negative traits and responsibility shifts between points, while the paragraph about family support is very short and not clearly connected to the main argument. The opposing view is also compressed into one long, loosely punctuated section. Give each main idea a focused paragraph, use linking phrases to show cause and contrast, and make references such as “this data” and “they” unambiguous.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant vocabulary for the topic, including “personal details,” “marital status,” “teamwork,” and “responsible.” However, the range is limited and several word-choice, collocation and spelling errors make parts of the response harder to read. Examples include “bond with their worker,” “insight about the upbringing,” and “interfear them working”; these expressions are not natural or precise in context. There are also repeated misspellings, including “perticular,” “usully,” and “compnies.” Aim to use accurate workplace vocabulary and check spelling carefully. More precise phrases for privacy, job relevance and employee support would help you express the two sides of the argument clearly.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentences, including a conditional structure in “when an employee has hobbies such as playing sports…” and a subordinate clause beginning “when the members are…”. However, errors occur frequently and sometimes make relationships between ideas unclear. For example, “Personal informations should always be private as it can be misused” has problems with plural agreement and pronoun reference, while “it means that the employee knows their weakness and is working to improve toward them” has an unclear grammatical construction. Sentence boundaries and punctuation are also inconsistent, particularly in the long section beginning “their hobbies and marital status.” Practise accurate subject–verb agreement, pronoun reference and sentence punctuation, and build complex sentences from shorter, controlled clauses.

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