Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-11

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.0)

One of the most noticeable trends of today's world is a significant increase in the number of people believing that it is relevant for the employers to get some information before they hire the employee while others oppose it by saying that it is not necessary to have the personal information. In my opinion, the former apprehension is warranted as so should be accepeted.

To commence with, there is a deluge of arguments in the favour of the idea that the hiring managers have the right to get the confidential information from the people who are looking to apply for the jobs. To explicate it, it not only helps the employer in maintain the record before hiring but also helps to maintain the overall image of the company as they donot want to hire someone without knowing their background. For example, accessing the personal data can benefit the company as they can know their previous workplaces, thier hobbies and the places of their interests. Needless to say, all these merits stand one in good stead, as far as augmenting their chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned.

Furthermore, another pivotal aspect of the aforementioned proposition is that it is only likely to help one excel and thrive in varied areas. Besides, the employee can be checked if have committed any crime or unusual from past activities by using thier informaton. For instance, the study results published by the government of Australia in March 2021 and April 2021 clearly indicates that it is important to ask for the personal information before hiring them which is crucial and critical for the development of the industry and the society. Hence, it is clear that why many people are in favour of this viewpoint.

To recapitulate, although it reveals the personal information of one yet, helps in the smooth transition of the company.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You state a position in the introduction, favouring employers’ requests for personal information, and give reasons related to record-keeping and workplace safety. However, the task asks you to discuss both views, and the opposing view is only briefly acknowledged in the opening; it is not explained or supported in the body. Your supporting points also need clearer development: the claim that information helps maintain a company’s image is not fully explained, and the reference to an Australian government study gives no specific finding or example. The conclusion is very brief and does not restate your reasoning. To improve, explain why some applicants consider these questions irrelevant or intrusive, then develop and support your own position with specific, relevant examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and signposts such as “To commence with,” “Furthermore” and “To recapitulate” make the intended structure visible. However, progression between ideas is not consistently clear. The second body paragraph says personal information can help an employee “excel and thrive,” then shifts to checking for past crimes, so the relationship between these points is difficult to follow. The opposing view is not given its own organised discussion, and the conclusion does not bring the main arguments together. Some linking phrases feel formulaic rather than showing precise relationships. Use each paragraph to develop one clear point, connect examples directly to that point, and include a distinct paragraph explaining the view you disagree with.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You attempt a range of formal and less common vocabulary, including “deluge of arguments,” “pivotal aspect,” “augmenting” and “prosperity.” This shows ambition, but several choices are unnatural or imprecise in context, such as “the former apprehension,” “maintain the overall image” and “unusual from past activities.” Spelling errors, including “accep eted” (written as “accep eted” in the response), “thier” and “informaton,” also reduce accuracy. Some phrases are unnecessarily elaborate, which can obscure your meaning. Aim for precise, natural language suited to employment and privacy: for example, “relevant information,” “conduct background checks” and “protect applicants’ privacy.” Check spelling carefully and prioritise accurate collocations over ornate expressions.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both longer sentences and subordinate clauses, for example, “as they can know their previous workplaces” and “although it reveals the personal information of one yet, helps…”. However, complex constructions are often faulty, and errors sometimes make relationships between ideas unclear. In “it not only helps the employer in maintain the record,” the verb pattern after “helps” is incorrect; “if have committed” is missing a clear subject and auxiliary; and “the study results… clearly indicates” has a subject–verb agreement error. The final sentence also lacks a clear grammatical structure because “although” and “yet” are combined awkwardly. Practise building accurate sentences with one main clause and a clearly formed subordinate clause, then check agreement, verb patterns, articles and punctuation.

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