Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-12

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Well,it is widely acknowledged that nowdays some employers before hiring want to know about personal details like matrimonial status and ones hobbies.Some people think this information maybe be helpful while some strongly oppose it. This essay will discuss both the point of views and explain how it will prove to be best in interest for the employers as well as the employees.

In todays world, job market has become extremely unpredictable and the process of hiring employees has completely changed from before.Human resource management before hring someone wants to know about personal information so that they are able to evaulate if the person is great fit for the company or not.Moreover, its a very time consuming and expensive process for the organisation so they want to know if the employees interests align with the company in the long run or not.Employees at the same time have expectations from the company which they want to meet in the long term such as bonus, promotion and recognition.

However, some set of people completely disagree with providing such information since they want to protect themselves from biasness, scams and privacy violations.They believe that these details will lead to conscious or unconscious bias from hiring managers before their professional skills are even evaluated.Also, such information clutters the resume and shifts the focus away from qualifications.

In the conclusion, I believe it has become useful and vital to include such data because it can become beneficial for the company to find the best person who might be effective and efficient for the role.It can help employers gauge personality, cultural fit and availability.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address both views and state a clear opinion: you explain that employers may use personal details to assess fit and long-term alignment, while applicants may fear bias and privacy violations. The conclusion also makes your position explicit. These are relevant points, but the discussion is unevenly developed. The argument supporting employers is more detailed, whereas the opposing view is mainly asserted; for example, explain how marital status or hobbies could lead to unfair decisions, or give a concrete example of when a hobby is genuinely relevant to a role. Your claim that such information is “useful and vital” also needs qualification, since not every personal detail is job-related. Developing both sides more fully would make the response more complete.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for the two views, and a conclusion. Linking expressions such as “Moreover,” “However,” and “In the conclusion” help signal the direction of the discussion. Overall, the ideas are arranged coherently, but progression within paragraphs is sometimes loose: the point about employees expecting bonuses and promotion does not clearly explain why employers need applicants’ personal information. Some transitions feel mechanical, and several sentences run together without spaces after full stops, which makes the flow harder to follow. Make the relationship between each supporting point and the main argument explicit, and use clearer paragraph-level development rather than adding loosely connected claims.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a relevant range of topic vocabulary, including “hiring,” “privacy violations,” “qualifications,” “cultural fit,” and “recognition.” This is enough to communicate the main ideas, and some choices show an attempt to use more formal language. However, spelling and word-choice errors are noticeable, including “nowdays,” “evaulate,” and “biasness.” Some phrases are also unnatural or imprecise, such as “great fit” in this formal context and “best in interest for the employers.” Aim for accurate collocations and consistent formal wording; proofreading spelling and checking whether a phrase sounds natural in context would improve clarity and control.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mix of simple and complex sentences, including a subordinate clause in “so that they are able to…” and a contrast introduced by “while.” The overall meaning is generally clear, but some grammatical errors and punctuation problems remain. For example, “some people think this information maybe be helpful” contains an incorrect verb construction, and “In todays world” needs a possessive apostrophe. There are also missing spaces after sentence-ending punctuation, and the long sentence beginning “Human resource management…” would benefit from clearer clause boundaries. Review verb forms, apostrophes, and sentence punctuation, then check that each sentence has a clear grammatical structure.

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