Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-16

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.0)

A majority of people think that employers asking about their personal information is not relevant, others argue that getting their personal information is not useful. I think that it is not necessary for employers to collect information of individuals applying for jobs. In my opinion, employers might need information of applicants but they should explain on why it is necessary.

Many employers believe that collecting information of applicants is necessary because of security purposes. Businesses are really important to these employers, as these are their primary source of income. They tend to be proactive to prevent employees stealing information. For example, employee might steal something from business and that employee has a crime or theft background. Therefore, this information help the employer to think of someone that can do something wrong. In addition, personal information of applicants will help employer contact their families if there is an accident happen to them.

Some people might be thinking that collecting information of applicants is not neccessary, because they believe that their experiences are enough to talk about something they can do, which is relevant, to position they are applying to. Hence, employers still need to consider those first-time job seekers by getting their personal information, such as hoobies and interests, to see if they are fit for job. Moreover, these people who think that it is not necessary, employers should inform why it is needed, or properly ask applicants if it is possible to get their information they needed.

In conclusion, I would argue that collecting applicants' information is necessary, relevant, and useful for employers than thinking that only specific or relevant information are needed to collect. Overall, employers must properly ask to collect applicants' information because it is not just about the business, it is also about applicants when an emergency can happen.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You present a clear overall opinion that employers should not collect personal details without explaining why, and you discuss reasons on both sides. The security example and the point about contacting family in an emergency are relevant. However, the discussion only partly answers the specific contrast in the prompt: the opposing view is framed mainly around work experience, while the relevance of hobbies, interests, and marital status is not explored in much detail. The claim that personal information helps identify someone who might steal is also asserted rather than carefully supported. Develop each side with a more direct example, and make your final position consistent: the conclusion calls collection “necessary,” whereas the introduction says it is not necessary unless justified.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a recognisable introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, and signposting such as “For example,” “In addition,” and “In conclusion” helps readers follow the main points. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes unclear, and some links do not express the intended relationship accurately. For instance, “Hence” introduces the point about first-time job seekers, but the connection to the preceding claim about experience is not fully explained. The third paragraph also shifts from presenting the opposing view to advising employers, making its central focus less clear. Repeated references to “personal information” and “employers” make the cohesion somewhat repetitive. Organise each body paragraph around one view, then connect its reasons and example explicitly.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use enough topic-related vocabulary to communicate the main ideas, including “security purposes,” “crime or theft background,” “first-time job seekers,” and “emergency.” However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations are noticeably inaccurate or repetitive. “Getting their personal information” and “collecting information of applicants” recur, while “fit for job” and “information they needed” are not natural formulations. There are also spelling errors, including “neccessary” and “hoobies,” which reduce accuracy. Aim for more precise language that distinguishes sensitive personal details from job-related qualifications, and check spelling and common collocations. This would make the argument clearer without requiring unnecessarily complex vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and complex sentences, using clauses with “because,” “if,” and “which,” and the overall meaning is generally understandable. Some sentence patterns are controlled, such as “I think that it is not necessary for employers to collect information of individuals applying for jobs.” However, errors recur in agreement, articles, and clause construction. Examples include “this information help the employer,” “employee might steal,” and “if there is an accident happen to them.” The sentence beginning “Moreover, these people who think…” is also structurally incomplete or confusing. These problems do not usually prevent understanding, but they limit accuracy and control. Practise checking subject–verb agreement and building complete clauses, especially when combining several ideas in one sentence.

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