Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

The inclusion of the private details about the hobbies, interests and living status of relationship in the job application requirement of some employers has raised some concerns about its relevancy to the actual job requirement. While some people do not like to give away such details, I do not have any problem about sharing my personality for the job.

I believe that it is important to share the interests and passion to the people who you will might work with that way the working environment at the work place and the boundaries are clearly drawn for the colleagues for the things we do not like to engage in. For example, If a person is allergic to certain food other people will keep distant to not being uncomfortable to trigger any work incidents.

While, I understand some people do not like to share their private life as sometimes the profile can be eliminated with the biased view of Human resource manager due to any personal reasons in it. Also, some people are not outgoing, more reserved in themselves as their growing childhood personality that keeps them vulerable to share the personal information that are listed mandatory in the application.

In conclusion, people of both sides have their conjugate reasons to support their arguments. My take on this is to make it optional in the form by giving an option to everybody on their willingness to share such intricate details in the file or just an required skill aspect that is only relevant to the role.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address both views and give a clear personal position: you are comfortable sharing information, but conclude that it should be optional. The concern that applicants may be rejected because of a human-resources manager’s bias is relevant and helps represent the opposing view. However, the discussion is uneven: the argument for sharing personal details focuses mainly on workplace boundaries and a food allergy, which does not clearly explain why hobbies or marital status help employers assess a candidate. The point about reserved applicants is also introduced but not fully explained. To strengthen the response, distinguish between information that can genuinely support teamwork and details that are private or unrelated to job performance, then develop each with a specific example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable overall structure: an introduction, separate paragraphs for the two views, and a conclusion that restates your position. This makes the main line of argument easy to follow. Some connections between ideas, however, are unclear or mechanical. The opening paragraph says you have no problem sharing your personality, while the conclusion proposes making disclosure optional; explain how these positions fit together. The example about allergies also shifts from hobbies and interests to health information without a clear link. In addition, starting a paragraph with “While,” and using “Also” to add a second concern do not make the relationship between points fully precise. Use clearer transitions and refer explicitly to the information being discussed.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You attempt a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “private details,” “biased view,” “reserved,” and “mandatory,” and the reader can generally understand your meaning. However, several word choices or combinations are inaccurate or unnatural, which limits precision. For example, “relevancy to the actual job requirement” would be more naturally expressed as relevance to job requirements, and “living status of relationship” is unclear. “Conjugate reasons” does not convey the intended meaning, while “vulerable” is misspelled. Some phrases, such as “share my personality for the job,” also do not express the idea precisely. Aim for accurate collocations and check spelling, especially when using less familiar vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You use both simple and more complex sentence forms, including a conditional example beginning “If a person is allergic” and a contrast introduced with “While.” The overall meaning is usually recoverable, but some grammatical errors make individual sentences awkward or unclear. For instance, “who you will might work with” combines incompatible modal forms; use “who you might work with.” In “other people will keep distant to not being uncomfortable,” the verb pattern is faulty, and “the profile can be eliminated with the biased view” does not form a clear grammatical relationship. There are also issues with articles and agreement, as in “just an required skill aspect.” Review modal verbs, verb patterns after prepositions, and article use, while keeping the useful variety of sentence structures you attempt.

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