Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-20

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In this modern era ,pollen think their personal information should be personal like hobbies or their personal status married or not . While some people say their boses can know about their personal life .

In my opinion, personal life should be personal .

On the first hand , People feels that their employer can know about their personal life like hobbies or their husband or wife or kids . They feel that if their employer know about their hobbies they can arrange some activities in free time or lunch time , for example if 8out of 9 people love to play basketball then their boss can arrange a play time for them in free time additionally if employers know about their family they can give some gifts to their family on some special occasions . Which makes them happy and they feel valued

One the other hand along with my opinion personal information should be personal at workplace. At the workplace people feel jealous from other if one employee is not good in games and other know that as a result that one bad player cannot be a winner and feel bad which is one reason moreover as a relationship side if someone is not good in their relationship them all other staff always triggers one point which is totally unfair.

In conclusion, personal information cannot be useful for employer in some ways , it should be private it cannot be linked to workplace . Personal life and work life should be separate. Personal information at workplace leads to judge the person by other staff that is totally unfair. So I feel employer should only ask about personal information that is related to workplace leads

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address both views and state a clear opinion that personal life should remain private. The first body paragraph gives a relevant example of an employer arranging basketball activities and offering family gifts, while the second explains possible jealousy and unfair judgement among colleagues. These points show a relevant response to the task. However, the benefits of collecting relationship information are not clearly distinguished from those of learning about hobbies, and the drawbacks are developed mainly through hypothetical situations. The conclusion repeats your position but ends with the unclear phrase “ask about personal information that is related to workplace leads.” To strengthen the response, explain more precisely when personal details might genuinely help an employer and support each main point with a clearer explanation or example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, separate paragraphs for the two views, and a conclusion. The contrast between “On the first hand” and “One the other hand” helps signal the discussion, and examples are placed with the relevant arguments. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes difficult to follow because several ideas are joined into long sentences, particularly the paragraph about hobbies and family gifts. Some linking expressions are inaccurate or mechanical, and references such as “that one bad player” and “one point” are unclear. The conclusion also introduces an unfinished idea. Use shorter, clearly organised sentences, make each paragraph develop one main point, and ensure pronouns and linking phrases clearly show how ideas relate.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “personal information,” “employer,” “special occasions,” “valued,” and “unfair.” These choices help communicate the central argument. However, the range is limited and several expressions are inaccurate or unnatural, such as “their boses,” “triggers one point,” and “relationship side.” Repetition of “personal” and “feel” also makes the writing less precise. Spelling and word-form errors, including “pollen” and “8out,” further affect clarity. Aim to learn topic-specific collocations and check spelling carefully. For example, you could describe information as “relevant to the role,” colleagues as “making assumptions,” and an employee as “feeling excluded,” rather than relying on vague or literal phrases.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including conditional reasoning in “if their employer know about their hobbies” and a result clause beginning “which makes them happy.” The overall meaning is usually recoverable, but errors in agreement, articles, sentence boundaries, and punctuation occur across the response. Examples include “People feels,” “their employer know,” and “if 8out of 9 people love,” where the verb forms and sentence construction need correction. Some sentences run together, especially the first body paragraph, making relationships between clauses harder to follow. Practise checking subject–verb agreement and separating independent clauses. For instance: “If an employer knows employees’ hobbies, they could arrange activities during lunch breaks.”

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