Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-23

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In contemporary society, people are fearful about their security and avoid answering any personal questions, although some employers often enquire about their details such as marital status, hobbies and interest. Some people say that workers should provide these details to employers, whereas others argue that these information has nothing to do with job. From my perspective, personal detail must be shared with employers because it can be useful to find suitable candidates for the jobs and during emergency.

To begin with, there are several reasons why information should be shared with employers. Personal details would act as useful source of information in emergency. If any serious injury or accident happen at work then employer can contact their family members to inform about his location whether they are admitted to hospital or not. It has been widely said that future is quite unpredictable.

Furthermore, these personal detail help employer to understand the individuals responsibility and interest. Some military jobs or operations may demand their present in other territory for the extended period of time. Therefore, these detail information helps them find suitable candidate for particular role.

On the other hand, some people say that employer should ask questions about skills and previous experience because some jobs has nothing to do with their personal information. They are fearful if someone use these information against them in future.

To sum up, individuals should ask the purpose of such information if they are worried about their safety and employer should kept it confidential. Although such information may not be useful during hiring process, it plays a vital role in emergency to find their relatives.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You discuss both views and state a clear preference for sharing personal details, giving two relevant reasons: contacting family after a workplace emergency and matching candidates to roles that may involve extended assignments. These examples show an attempt to support your position. However, the opposing view is only briefly presented: you mention that some jobs depend on skills and experience and that information could be misused, but do not explain these concerns or give an example. Your own position also becomes less consistent in the conclusion, where you say the information may not be useful during hiring. Develop both sides more evenly and clarify whether you support collecting all such details or only information relevant to the role or safety.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a clear overall structure, with an introduction, two paragraphs supporting your view, a paragraph presenting the opposing view, and a conclusion. Signposting such as “To begin with,” “Furthermore,” and “On the other hand” helps readers follow the main stages. The progression within the supporting paragraphs is generally understandable, especially the link between an accident and contacting family. However, some connections are mechanical, and the conclusion introduces a qualification that is not fully reconciled with your earlier position. References such as “these details” and “their relatives” can also be unclear. Use linking phrases more selectively and make the relationship between each example and your main argument explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “marital status,” “personal information,” “suitable candidates,” and “confidential,” which allows you to discuss the issue clearly. There are also attempts at more specific language, such as “extended period of time.” However, several word-choice and collocation errors make the expression less natural: “personal detail” is used where “personal details” is needed, “useful source of information” needs an article, and “their present in other territory” does not express the intended idea accurately. “Hobbies and interest” also has a number-agreement problem in word form. Aim for precise, natural combinations and check singular and plural forms when editing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and complex sentences, including conditional structures such as “If any serious injury or accident happen at work then…” and a subordinate clause beginning “Although such information may not be useful…”. This gives the response some structural variety, and the main ideas remain understandable. However, errors occur across sentence forms and sometimes make the reader pause. For example, “accident happen” needs subject–verb agreement, “these information” uses an incorrect plural form, and “some jobs has” should agree with the plural subject. There are also problems with articles and sentence construction, as in “act as useful source.” Review agreement, articles, and the structure of conditional sentences, then proofread each sentence for a clear subject and verb.

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