Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-24

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Every existing job environment in this planet has its own protocols which implies on their working class. One of such obligation is discretion of a private information like age, marital status, personal interest and hobbies. For some of employees that is invasion of their privacy whereas for some of the other employees this is invincible disclosure.

Having a personal information column to be filled by employees while applying to new job is deniable for those who thinks it as a form of being judgemental. In industries where the employers need a workforce who could do lifting, moving and transfer, they would like to interview the young people instead of the middle age people. Therefore, on the basis of the personal information provided by the job seekers they could segregate them easily. It is like building a perception regarding a candidate on the basis of those questions which do not have direct co-relation with the job duties.

On the opposite side, some workers believe that it is necessity to feel belongingness. For them it is an idea that the company have concerns about their employees. If the employer is ware of the fact that employee is married and have kids, there may be chances that candidate would be allocated for morning and afternoon shift instead of placing in night shift. Furthermore, it aids in placing the worker on the basis of information provided in the personal part. Those who are good in playing chess and other psychological sports, the employer could trust them in decision-making part.

Overall, it is a personal concept but the served personal information served should not be used to make preception regarding the job seekers.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You discuss both views and give a concluding opinion: the first body paragraph explains how personal details could lead to unfair screening, while the next suggests they may help employers allocate shifts or tasks. These are relevant responses to the prompt. However, the position is not fully clear or consistently explained. The conclusion says the information “should not be used to make perception,” but does not clarify whether employers may still collect it for practical purposes. Some support is also under-developed: the example about chess and decision-making does not explain why this hobby reliably indicates workplace ability. State your view directly and develop each example by showing how it supports that view.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable overall structure: an introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion. This makes the discussion easy to follow at a broad level, and linking expressions such as “Therefore” and “Furthermore” help signal relationships between ideas. However, some connections are unclear or mechanical. For example, “On the opposite side” introduces the second view awkwardly, and “For them it is an idea that the company have concerns” does not clearly connect the claim to the point about belonging. The final sentence repeats “personal information” and does not neatly summarise the two arguments. Use clearer topic sentences and make each example’s link to the paragraph’s main point explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You attempt a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “invasion of their privacy,” “segregate,” “belongingness,” and “decision-making.” These choices show an effort to discuss discrimination and workplace allocation rather than relying only on basic terms. However, inaccurate word choice and collocation are noticeable and sometimes make the meaning difficult to interpret. “Protocols which implies on their working class” and “invincible disclosure” do not express the intended ideas clearly; “discretion of a private information” is also an unnatural phrase. Spelling and word-form errors such as “preception” further reduce precision. Aim for natural, accurate combinations, such as “workplace policies,” “disclosure of personal information,” and “form an impression of applicants,” and check spelling carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including conditional structures such as “If the employer is ware of the fact…” and relative clauses such as “a workforce who could do lifting.” However, control is inconsistent, and errors in sentence structure, agreement, articles, and verb forms sometimes make the reader work to understand the point. For example, “Every existing job environment … has its own protocols which implies” has a subject–verb agreement problem, while “the company have concerns” and “candidate would be allocated” show further agreement or article issues. The final sentence, “the served personal information served should not be used,” is also structurally unclear. Practise building accurate sentences first, then add complex clauses and check agreement and articles.

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