Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-27

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Employers ask for personal informations before guaranting jobs to skillfull employees. Some people argue that employees must be asked only about the information that matches the job description while others contend that personal information can give useful insights that help the employeers in recruiting process. This essay will discuss both the views and formerly state my position.

It is widely argued that providing personal information to recruiting agencies and emplyeers carries genuine risks. Many people take it as a breach of privacy and feel uncomfortable sharing information that has little to do with the job requirement. Moreover, hiring employees based on their hobbies, interests and marital status is unfair to thousands of deserving emplyees who completely fit-in the job description.

On the other hand, some people justify employers role in asking personal information by saying it gives them useful insights. For instance, hobbies and personal interests can provide the recruiting agencies with useful insights through which they can predict whether the applicant can fit in the company working environment or not. Likewise, asking for marital status and children can help the emplyeers to come up with decent salary packages that would benefit the employees. Many companies offer free healthcare services not only to the employees but also to the families and therfore recruits are asked for personal information in the begining.

In my opinion, employers should take measures to ensure their emplyees privacy is not on stake and only be used in their best interests. In conclusion, sharing personal information can pose some serious threats to the employees. Emplyeers should only ask for such information to benfit their employees rather than using it as a scale for hiring them.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

The response addresses both views and gives a clear position: personal information may be useful, but employers should protect privacy and not use it as a hiring measure. The discussion of privacy and fairness is relevant, and the examples about workplace fit and family healthcare help explain why employers might request these details. However, the two sides are not developed equally. The claim that marital status can help employers create suitable salary packages is unclear and needs explanation; it may also suggest that personal circumstances should affect pay. The conclusion repeats the position rather than drawing together the main reasoning. Develop each argument with a clearer explanation and a specific, relevant example to make the response more fully supported.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The essay has a clear overall structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for the opposing views, and a concluding opinion. Linking phrases such as “Moreover,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” make the progression easy to follow, and the reader can identify the main point of each paragraph. This meets the lower-band expectations and shows some effective control of organisation. To make the progression more consistently smooth, improve the connection between claims and their explanations: the move from marital status to salary packages, for example, is abrupt. The final paragraph also combines the personal opinion and conclusion without adding much synthesis. Use referencing and transitions to show more precisely how each example supports the argument.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

The response uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the topic, including “breach of privacy,” “deserving employees,” “working environment,” and “healthcare services.” These choices help communicate the main ideas, and some less common expressions are attempted. However, spelling and word-choice errors recur, including “emplyeers,” “emplyees,” “guaranting,” and “benfit,” which reduce accuracy. Some collocations are also unnatural: “privacy is not on stake” and “used as a scale for hiring” do not express the intended meaning idiomatically. Aim for accurate, natural combinations and proofread spelling. For instance, “privacy is not at stake” and “used as a criterion for hiring” would express these ideas more clearly.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including a relative clause in “employees who completely fit-in the job description” and a conditional structure in “whether the applicant can fit in the company working environment or not.” Most sentences communicate the intended meaning, and the errors do not generally prevent understanding. Some grammatical inaccuracies remain, however. In “Employers ask for personal informations,” the noun should be uncountable, and “before guaranting jobs” needs a more suitable grammatical construction. The sentence beginning “In my opinion” also has an unclear structure: “employers should take measures … and only be used” leaves the subject of “be used” uncertain. Check agreement, articles, and sentence construction, especially when joining clauses, while continuing to use varied structures.

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