Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-31

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Nowadays, employers prefer to do background checks and gain personal choices and information about the employee before hiring them. Some people think this is useful for the company, while others prefer to keep it personal and not disclose it to the employer.

Due to new technologies, in today's world, it is very common to use information against a person. For instance, a person is divorced. A company can use this to judge the person's nature without knowing who was responsible for the divorce. Moreover, some colleagues can use this as part of a future argument. Likely, people can start comparing professional failures to personal ones. Therefore, some people prefer not to open up about personal choices and life to the company they would work for.

On the other hand, there are things which would be important for an employer to know about employees to create a better working space and make work enjoyable. People spend more than a quarter of the day at work. If an employer knows certain qualities of people, it would be easy for them to use it for the growth of the company. For example, if I work as a nurse, knowing my hobbies and what I am good at can help my patients. Meaning, I know how to play guitar, and there is a patient suffering from pain who loves to listen to music; playing live guitar can help him divert his mind.

Therefore, knowing the quality of a person can benefit a sector in different ways. Although there are limitations, which can be overcome by maintaining confidential information and proper management.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You discuss both perspectives and give a clear overall preference for allowing relevant personal information to be used when it benefits the workplace, while recognising privacy concerns. The divorce example explains how personal details could lead to unfair judgement or conflict, and the nurse-and-guitar example gives a specific illustration of how a hobby might help a patient. However, the two sides are not developed equally: the first is mainly about misuse of information, while the second focuses on hobbies and does not explain when marital status or other personal details would genuinely help an employer. Your conclusion is also brief and its recommendation to maintain confidentiality is not fully connected to a clear boundary on what employers should ask. Develop that distinction to make your position more fully supported.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a coherent overall arrangement: an introduction, a paragraph presenting privacy concerns, a contrasting paragraph on workplace benefits, and a concluding statement. Transitions such as “On the other hand” and “Therefore” help readers follow the main direction, and the examples are placed where they support the relevant view. This meets the lower-band expectation of clear overall organisation and shows some stronger progression. However, cohesion is occasionally mechanical, particularly through repeated use of “Therefore” and “For example,” and the final paragraph is too short to bring the two arguments together clearly. The link between knowing an employee’s qualities and improving company growth could also be made more explicit. Use more varied referencing and make the conclusion synthesise both sides.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range for the topic, including phrases such as “background checks,” “personal choices,” “confidential information,” and “professional failures.” These help communicate the main ideas, and the examples are generally easy to understand. There are also attempts at more specific vocabulary, such as “divert his mind,” though some choices are imprecise or unnatural: “gain personal choices” does not express the intended meaning, and “open up about personal choices and life” is awkward in this context. “A better working space” is also less natural than a phrase referring to the workplace environment. These inaccuracies do not prevent understanding, but they limit precision. Aim for more accurate collocations and distinguish clearly between personal details, interests, and job-related qualities.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex forms, including conditional structures such as “If an employer knows certain qualities of people, it would be easy…” and a relative clause in “a patient suffering from pain who loves to listen to music.” Most sentences communicate their meaning, and the paragraphing gives you opportunities to vary sentence structure. Some grammatical errors remain, however. “There are things which would be important … to know about employees to create” has an unclear relationship between the clauses, while “Although there are limitations, which can be overcome…” is a fragment rather than a complete concluding sentence. In “if I work as a nurse,” the hypothetical example would be clearer with consistent conditional phrasing. Review clause completeness and ensure that subordinate clauses are attached to a main clause.

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