Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-11-01

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In today's world, Sharing personal information is become a debateble topic for evryone. During interviews for job employers ask for personal information like about relationships and their personal interests and hobbies. Some people argue that it is not relevant and useful for organizations While, others think that it helps to take disicion for job.

one of the main reason is that if they provide details employer can know about their interest and it helps top give position that they can fit in easily do their best. For example, If someone has an interenst in finance and do work in marketing so it is not good for both the candidate and the organizations.

On the other hand, some people do not feel safe to give their private information and they do not feel comfortable to thier lifes with others. For instance, If someone has a disrupt marrige life and they do not want to discuss with the anybody so it is not nesessary to give all perosnal to the employers.

In my opinion, I personally believe that organizations should take information which is necessary for their growth. some times personal life is also affect in the business so it is necessary to take information about interest and hobbies. So both views has a strong expalnation but I think private information also plays a crucial role in a business development.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You address both views and give a personal opinion, so the response is relevant to the question. The first body paragraph explains that hobbies may help employers match candidates to suitable roles, while the next raises privacy concerns, including the example of a difficult marriage. However, these points are brief and not fully explained; the finance-and-marketing example, for instance, does not clearly show why an applicant’s interests determine job suitability. Your position is also somewhat inconsistent: you say employers should request only necessary information, but then argue that personal interests and hobbies are necessary. The response is 22 words below the required minimum, which limits the space available to develop both sides. Clarify your position and extend each main idea with a more directly relevant explanation or example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable overall structure: an introduction, separate paragraphs for the two views, and a concluding opinion. This makes the discussion reasonably easy to follow. You also use signposts such as “On the other hand” and “In my opinion” to indicate shifts in argument. However, some connections are mechanical or unclear. The opening sentence of the first body paragraph (“one of the main reason is that if they provide details…”) is difficult to follow, and the conclusion moves from limiting information to saying hobbies are necessary without explaining the relationship between these ideas. Improve progression by giving each paragraph one clear central claim, then explaining and illustrating it before moving on. Use pronouns and linking phrases only where their references are clear.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “private information,” “organizations,” “candidate,” and “business development.” These choices show an attempt to discuss employment and privacy rather than relying entirely on everyday language. However, the range is limited, and several spelling and word-choice errors make parts of the response less clear, such as “debateble,” “disicion,” “interenst,” and “nesessary.” Some phrases are also unnatural, including “give position” and “disrupt marrige life.” Aim to learn accurate collocations for recruitment and privacy, and proofread spelling carefully. More precise expressions would help you explain the distinction between information relevant to job performance and details that are personal but unrelated to the role.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more extended sentence forms, including conditional structures such as “if they provide details” and “If someone has a…”. This gives you a basis for expressing reasons and examples. However, errors in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence construction are frequent enough to make some sentences difficult to understand. For example, “Sharing personal information is become a debateble topic” has an incorrect verb form, and “one of the main reason is” has a singular/plural agreement problem. In “it helps top give position,” the sentence pattern is also faulty. Practise building accurate subject–verb–object sentences, then add subordinate clauses. Check verb forms and agreement, and use full stops to separate ideas that currently run together.

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