Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-11-02

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Sharing personal information with employers has always been a controversial topic of discussion.Some argue that this might invade their privacy while others feel this information helps to understand the employee on a more grass-root level. I personally feel this information favours the employers when selecting a candidate and does no harm to anyone. Both these views will be discussed in this essay.

Firstly people who argue that this information is essential give valid points to support their argument. For example marital status of an employee is an integral part of their CV. Since married people are less flexible to working long shifts or sometimes it is difficult for them to manage work alongside family responsibilities.

Secondly knowing interests of a person means getting to have a good topic of conversation with them. Grouping people of same interests will give fruitful results for everyone.For example if someone enjoys making presentations and are not really good at public speaking, it will be unfair to put them at the spot. Without knowing hobbies or interests proper work allocation is not possible.

However in this AI dominant world protection of privacy has been a need of the hour. Numerous websites have been compromised and personal data has been sold on dark webs. This data is then used for illegal activities without the affected individual even knowing about it. People say that this information is already asked in interview stages and that there is no point of repeating the same information.

Finally i would like to state that sharing personal information is harmless and allows the company or employer hiring you know you better but it is ther responsibility to keep that information safe.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address both views and state a clear opinion: you argue that personal information can help employers understand and allocate work to candidates, while acknowledging privacy risks. The examples about shift flexibility and matching interests to tasks are relevant. However, the discussion is uneven: the case for collecting information receives two paragraphs, whereas the opposing view is mainly a brief warning about data breaches and repeated questions. The claim that marital status is an “integral part” of a CV is also asserted rather than justified, and the essay does not fully explore why applicants might object to employers using such details. Develop both sides more evenly and explain how your examples support your position.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction, arguments supporting the usefulness of information, a contrasting privacy paragraph, and a concluding opinion. Sequencing is generally easy to follow, and signposts such as “Firstly,” “Secondly,” and “However” help show the direction of the discussion. This meets the lower-band expectation of coherent overall arrangement and shows some stronger progression. However, the repeated numbered transitions make the essay feel somewhat mechanical, and the link between interests and “proper work allocation” could be explained more explicitly. Some sentences run together, as in “fruitful results for everyone.For example,” which weakens the flow. Use more varied transitions and ensure each paragraph develops one clearly connected point.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the topic, including “controversial,” “privacy,” “compromised,” and “work allocation.” These choices help communicate the main ideas, and some less common expressions show an attempt to be precise. At times, however, word choice or collocation is inaccurate or awkward: “on a more grass-root level,” “AI dominant world,” and “dark webs” do not sound natural in this context. “Fruitful results” is also vague, while “does no harm to anyone” makes a broad claim that the essay does not substantiate. Aim for more precise, conventional phrasing and check collocations; for example, describe data as being exposed or misused rather than relying on unclear expressions.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including a subordinate clause beginning “Since married people…” and a conditional example with “if someone enjoys making presentations.” Most ideas remain understandable, but some grammatical errors and punctuation problems recur. The “Since” clause is a fragment, and “someone … are” has a subject–verb agreement error. In the conclusion, “it is ther responsibility” contains a spelling error, while “allows the company or employer hiring you know you better” is missing the grammatical structure needed after “allows.” Several sentence boundaries also need attention, such as the missing space after “discussion.” Practise complete clause construction, agreement, and punctuation while retaining your attempts at complex sentences.

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