Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-11-03

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.0)

In this modern era, mangers asks for personal information like what kind of things they are interested or hobbies as well as marital status. Few individuals believe that it is necessary for companies to know, whereas fail to agree. In upcoming paragraphs will discuss both point of views with valid points.

On the one hand, there are various points why those details are compulsory for the enterprise. Firstly, they can help to improve there skills in same interest, even it is good for company as well if they can support them because employees can follow their passion then they try to do best and make money for company. Moreover, when the person completely learn their skill in particular stream then they will make there future more better and improve their lifestyle. For instance, Any person tell about personal interest to their manager then the manager put him into same department. As a result, it help to weather company or employee.

On the other hand, some times anyone looking for the jobs then they visit on different cite to apply. Many times person can unaware about fake cites then they give their personal detail over there then it affect on on their private lifestyle. Furthermore, in this contemporary era, everything is digital and every detail link with something, so this can help them. For example, nowadays there are lots of case about bank frauds using personal information.

In conclusion, In my point of view personal detail should share after the complete hiring process to prevent fake websites and frauds, however to make the future more better and fulfill the demand of the employers.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You address both views and give a personal position: you argue that personal details should be shared after hiring to reduce fraud. The discussion of employers’ reasons is relevant, especially the idea that knowing an employee’s interests could help place them in a suitable department. However, the task is only partly developed. The benefits are explained mainly through repeated claims about skills, passion and company performance, while the opposing view focuses on fake websites and bank fraud rather than clearly explaining why employers should not request marital status or hobbies. Your conclusion also introduces “fulfill the demand of the employers” without clarifying how this fits your position. Develop each side with a direct explanation and a specific, relevant example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting opposing views, and a conclusion. Signposts such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” help readers follow the broad organisation. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes unclear, and several ideas are linked mechanically rather than explained. For example, “Moreover” introduces a point about learning a skill that largely repeats the earlier claim, while “As a result, it help to weather company or employee” does not clearly show the result. References such as “this” and “them” are also vague in places. Use clearer links between claim, explanation and example, and ensure each paragraph develops one central line of reasoning.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “personal information,” “marital status,” “passion,” “private lifestyle” and “bank frauds.” These choices make the general subject understandable. However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations are inaccurate or unclear, sometimes making the reader work to interpret the point. Examples include “same interest,” “visit on different cite,” “make their future more better” and “help to weather company or employee.” Spelling errors such as “mangers” and “cites” also reduce accuracy. Build a more precise set of expressions for recruitment, privacy and suitability, and check whether words naturally combine—for example, “place an applicant in a suitable department” rather than “put him into same department.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentences, including clauses beginning with “because,” “when” and “then,” so there is some variety. However, errors are frequent, and attempts at longer structures are often faulty, which sometimes makes relationships between ideas difficult to follow. Examples include “mangers asks,” “In upcoming paragraphs will discuss,” “it help,” and “when the person completely learn their skill.” Articles, agreement, verb forms and sentence construction need more consistent control. Punctuation and capitalisation are also uneven, as in “Firstly” after a full stop and “In conclusion, In my point of view.” Practise writing shorter, complete sentences first, then combine them carefully using accurate subordinate clauses.

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