Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-11-04

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Nowadays, the trend of asking personal information while applying a job has been increasing gradually. Many people believe it is relevant for employers while, others reject the notion. I believe employers may use these informations to reduce a stress level by encouraging employess's interest in their hobbies. In addition, personal information may useful in emergency situations as well.

On the one hand, there are several advantages to know employee's interests. A largely attributed factor is, reduction in stress level. Many jobs require worker's higher attention and accuracies to complete any tasks. Consequntly, they have higher stress levels than others. Higher stress may lead them to many heart and brain related diseases. That is why employers may arrange some fun activities related to employee's interest. This not only reduce their stress level but also motivate them to work efficiently. For example, in many jobs, employers arrange different events during the year.

Furthermore, many job also require to know marital status and emergency contract information for each employees. This is a pivotal information. A company can contact family members or emergency person if any hazardeous situation happens inside the company.

On the other hand, there are few disadvantages of revealing these informations. If a company does not have a friendly environment; they may use such informations against an employees. A few employers may provide such tasks which not includes person's interest or hobbies. This types of tasks considered as a boring work. Moreover, they may force employee to compete the task in a particular time. Hence, they traumatize their employees.

To conclude, although a number employees may use personal information to affect theim employees, however, less number of employer do this. In contrast, it serves many benefits. employer use this information to encourage and motivate their employees.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You discuss both views and state your position: you support employers using personal details to reduce stress and help in emergencies, while acknowledging that information could be misused. These points are relevant, but the discussion is uneven. The benefits receive more explanation, especially the link between hobbies and workplace activities, whereas the concern about misuse is asserted rather than illustrated or explored. The emergency-contact point is also only briefly connected to the question, which focuses on hobbies, interests, and marital status. The conclusion repeats your preference but does not clearly weigh the two views. To strengthen the response, explain when personal details are genuinely job-relevant, distinguish emergency contact details from private lifestyle information, and support the opposing view with a specific example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a clear overall arrangement: an introduction, a paragraph presenting benefits, a paragraph on disadvantages, and a conclusion. Signposting such as “On the one hand,” “Furthermore,” and “On the other hand” helps readers follow the main direction. However, some links between ideas are mechanical or unclear. For example, “That is why” introduces workplace activities without fully explaining how knowing an applicant’s hobbies would reduce stress, and the emergency-contact point shifts the focus within the benefits discussion. The conclusion’s “although … however” construction also makes the relationship between the two sides confusing. Use clearer links that show cause, contrast, or qualification, and develop each paragraph around one central point with a more explicit connection to the question.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use some topic-relevant vocabulary, including “stress level,” “marital status,” “emergency situations,” and “motivate,” and you attempt more formal expressions such as “pivotal information.” This gives you enough range to communicate the main ideas, but inaccurate word forms, spelling, and collocations are noticeable and sometimes make the meaning less natural. Examples include “these informations,” “emergency contract information,” “hazardeous,” and “compete the task.” Some phrases, such as “heart and brain related diseases,” are imprecise for the point being made. Build accuracy by learning common word partnerships and checking spelling and countability. Prefer precise terms such as “emergency contact details” and “complete a task,” and avoid using formal-sounding vocabulary unless its meaning and collocation are secure.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and complex sentence forms, including conditional and contrast structures: “If a company does not have a friendly environment…” and “although … however…”. The main ideas are generally understandable, but errors in agreement, articles, plurals, and verb forms recur. For instance, “This not only reduce” needs subject–verb agreement, “many job also require” needs a plural subject, and “a number employees” is missing “of.” The final sentence also shifts awkwardly between singular and plural subjects. Some complex constructions are not controlled, particularly the conclusion’s use of “although” with “however.” Practise checking each sentence for a clear subject and matching verb, and use one contrast marker at a time. More accurate control of these patterns would make your range easier to follow.

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