Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 18 · 2026-11-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In many countries,people are now living longer than ever before.Some people say an aging population creates problems for goverments.Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.This essay will explain both perspective advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantage.

On the one hand,some people believed elderly people creates more problem.While,some elders mentally childish and physically week at the time their activity some times irritating in others.So that people avoided elder age people and government more facility availabe in aging people.For example,health insurence,pension amount and monthly 1000,etra facility available for only old age people.Some parent's care home to pull in their childrens and childrens only take our family responsibility that a reason for old age people pull care take home.As a result,day by day increased, medical insurence ,some government take care home for ageing people's.

On the other hand,some people believed there are benifits is society has more elderly people. Old age people very important for all the house and youngesters,because all the family members take responsibility for their old age people's.Furthermore,most off the home's family members husband and wife go to work for running their family, at the time take responisibility and take care their childs in ageing people only.And also ageing people good atitude and how should it be in live and socity teaching for youngersters.For example,teaching every day activity and healthy food .As a result,agening people very important for all the family members and more agvantages only old people stay in home.

In conclusion,people believed there are benifits is socity has more elderly people.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You address both sides of the question and give a clear preference for the benefits, especially by explaining that older relatives can care for children and pass on guidance about daily life and healthy food. However, the position is only briefly supported, and several points are unclear or insufficiently explained—for example, the discussion of care homes and government support does not clearly show how these are disadvantages. The conclusion repeats your preference without summarising the main reasons. The response contains 224 words, so it is 26 words below the required minimum; this limits the space available to develop and support your ideas. To strengthen the response, explain each point with a clear cause, consequence, or relevant example, and state more precisely how far the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, a paragraph about disadvantages, a paragraph about benefits, and a conclusion. The signposts “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” help readers identify these sections. However, progression within the paragraphs is often difficult to follow because several ideas are joined without clear relationships. For instance, the discussion moves from older people’s health needs to insurance, pensions, and care homes without explaining how these points connect. Linking phrases such as “Furthermore” and “As a result” are used, but sometimes the relationship they signal is unclear. Organise each body paragraph around one main idea, then explain it and give a relevant example; use pronouns and linking expressions only when their references and logic are clear.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “aging population,” “pension,” “responsibility,” and “healthy food,” so the reader can identify the general subject of each paragraph. However, the range is limited and several word choices, forms, and spellings make meaning difficult to understand. Examples include “physically week” for physically weak, “benifits,” “agvantages,” and “good atitude.” Phrases such as “more facility available in aging people” and “pull care take home” are also unclear or unnatural. These problems sometimes strain the reader, particularly when describing government support and care arrangements. Build a topic vocabulary set for ageing, healthcare, pensions, and family care, and check spelling and collocations. Prefer precise phrases such as “provide financial support” or “care for grandchildren” over unclear combinations.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt a few longer sentences, including one beginning “Furthermore” and another using “because,” but most sentence patterns are simple, and the longer attempts are often difficult to follow. Errors in agreement and verb forms occur in examples such as “elderly people creates” and “some people believed there are benifits.” Sentence boundaries and punctuation are also inconsistent: several sentences run together after full stops without spaces, while “While” is used as a fragment at the start of a sentence. Articles, plurals, and possessive forms are not consistently controlled, as in “in aging people” and “their old age people's.” Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine related ideas with “because,” “which,” or “while.” Check subject–verb agreement and punctuation when proofreading.

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